AAAAARGH!!!

Ok…  So I went to my mother’s house today.  I needed to tell HER what’s been going on, and I prayed that she had some good advice for me.  Wouldn’t you know, she’s going through the same damn thing with HER man!  He apparently can’t keep his penis in HIS pants either…  What’s up with the damn world?  We’re just “freeing Willy” all over the place.  Lord…  

Earlier today, Stefan approached me… He asked, “Daddy, are you and Mel breaking up?”   You know, until now, I never realized how badly the kids would be affected by us breaking up.  Stefan immediately burst into tears – and all I could do was hold him…  

As I said before, I’m just taking it day by day.  I’ve gotten a few words of encouragement (Thanks Saturn!) from people who basically assured me that I’m NOT crazy.  I’m NOT being a drama queen.  This is a valid problem, a valid hurt.  And I have the RIGHT to feel the way I feel.  That alone, means something.  

Now mind you, I’m not one for wearing the “perpetual victim” badge either.  So I’m forcing myself to move the fuck on…  “Keep pushing on, things are gonna get better…  it won’t take long…  keep on pushing 2 the top…”  (Girl, I’m pushing!)

Random thought:  Today I fried some chicken – hot wings…  And damn, they were so good.  It’s almost 1 a.m., and I’m craving them right now!  But no…  I won’t get up and make me any.  Especially after what I just stuffed in my mouth – oh, keep your mind outta the gutter!!!  You know I’m on my fiber kick now, right?  Mel bought me a box of Nature Valley Healthy Heart Chewy Granola Bars.  Oatmeal Raisin… MMMM!!!  Mind you, there are 5 in a box.  I’ll be damned.  I ate the ENTIRE BOX.  I swear, by the time I’m finished, I’ll have the cleanest colon in Detroit, MI.  Plus the fiber shake I’m having tonight before bed?  Oh, you KNOW where I’ll be in the morning!!!

Damn, I’m so gullible…  Dana IMed me a little while ago…  I hate when she starts with this “how’s my hubby” bullshit, because I KNOW what’s coming next.  It’s usually, “can you watch my kid?”  Wasn’t I just saying that I’d appreciate a friendly voice, MINUS the gottdamn babysitting?!  Shit.  As if I don’t have a fucking life of my own…  KNOWING the trap I’m about to fall into, I answer her IM…  She proceeds to tell me about her upcoming trip to Chicago, so she can see her “man.”  So long story short, this bitch is out there getting fucked, and I’m stuck here, watching her kid.  There’s just something not quite right about that…  I could’ve easily said NO, but what the hell…  I’m nice.  Too damn nice.  

But know this:  I would have a much GREATER amount of respect for people, if they just get to the fucking point.  Don’t call me, talking all this idle chit-chat; knowing DAMN WELL you have a hidden agenda.  What…  Do you wanna borrow some money?  Don’t ask me how my fucking kids are doing…  Just ask for the MONEY!  Want me to watch your kid?  Don’t butter me up, telling me how talented I am, etc…  Just tell me you need a babysitter.  Trust me.  I’ll respect you a lot better…  MAN, people are stupid!

My straight friend (aka Hetero Pussy) logged onto AIM just a few minutes ago…  He saw me online, and quickly logged back off – before I could even say hello.  I hate when that happens…  

I also talked to JAY recently – you remember my ex-boyfriend, who is on the brink of surgery?  It’s so weird.  He seems to be doing okay.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I’m HAPPY for him!  It’s just weird how one minute he’s saying his last goodbyes, and the next minute, he’s complaining about finding a new job.  

Well, it’s 1 a.m. now.  I guess I better go wake up Jevon and take him to the bathroom, before he wets his bed.  Ahh, the joys of parenthood.  

PS:  I just had a thought…  What if I died tonight?  I know, kinda twisted…  But you know, we’re not promised tomorrow.  I wonder who’d miss me.  Just a reminder that if you love someone, SHOW THEM, while you’re here!  LET THEM KNOW they’re appreciated.  And please, don’t take them for granted.

Much love…
AC