Off My Chest

Hey there…  I just need a moment to get a few things off my chest.  Or maybe I just need a moment to figure things out; determine what the hell is going on in my life.  For starters, I’ve done quite a few gigs so far this year!  In fact, my music career in general has gotten quite a boost.  All of a sudden, I’m doing remix after remix, show after show…  I have sponsorship deal with DETSITTI clothing line, which is absolutely awesome.  In fact, I just wrote their new theme song – which has yet to be posted on their site, but I’ll notify you when it is…  It’ll also be used in their commercials – again, I’ll tell you when that happens as well.  I’m shooting my scenes for the upcoming movie “Shonuff” this June – in which I play the DJ; wonderful for me, since the movie IS centered around a club…  The movie will be shown in AMC theatres (at least here in Detroit for now) this November – I can’t wait!  This will be the 3rd movie I’ve had anything to do with, but the FIRST time I’ve ever seen myself on the BIG screen!  Scary but exciting!!!

My circle of friends are shifting, so to speak.  Seemingly out of NOWHERE, Santiago Salazar (Los Hermanos/UR) has been on my mind quite a bit.  Not in “THAT” way, you dirty-minded pervert – more like a comrade.  When I saw him at Fifth Avenue, I had nothing but respect for him.  We had our little DJ battle, but it wasn’t like “bitch, I’m out to GET you!!!”  It was based on FUN, and mutual respect.  I didn’t know he was moving back to California, but when I found out, I was a little hurt.  I thought, DAMN…  I’m just starting to get along with this guy, and he’s LEAVING!  Do you know how people are (in the industry) when they say “oh, we should do a track together?” or something like that?  We exchanged that banter, of course…  But strangely enough, it didn’t seem fake.  I REALLY thought it would be cool to do a track with him – especially after hearing this NEW track of his that he played throughout the night.  I KNEW it was HIS also – you could tell by the look on his face when he played it.  

The next night, I was invited (by him, of course) to his “going away party.”  As shocked as I was to actually GET the invite, I went anyway.  I remember him saying, “if you want to bring a few records, go ahead.”  Normally I wouldn’t have done such a thing, but I sure did.  And when I Mel and I (I took him with me) walked in the door, it was like family.  Santi’s wife and friends were all so nice to me.  Even Mike Banks showed up – crazy hairdo and all!  OOOH, if I had a camera that night!!!  LOL…  But being at this party told me a few things…  FIRST:  No matter WHAT happened to me during my OWN UR/Submerge days, I’ve earned respect.  I didn’t feel one ounce of bad vibes throughout the entire night…  And YES, I DJed—for a lot longer than I expected to, but I felt like it was a going away present from me, so I was GLAD to do it.  

The REAL going away present (Santi doesn’t know this yet) will be next FRIDAY, when we spin together at Fifth Avenue again.  I won’t tell you what the present IS, just yet – after all, this IS a public blog, right?  But I WILL say this…  He doesn’t expect it, and when he gets it, I know he will LOVE LOVE LOVE it!  Talk about a gesture of friendship!  That’s just how I am…

And speaking of friends, yes I’ve decided to call certain people OUT…  Why?  Because I believe that if you’re in someone’s life, you should ACT THAT WAY!  I don’t like having friends that I never get to see…  For example, my best friend Robbie?  I think I’ve seen him maybe ONCE or TWICE this year.  And he lives less than an hour away from me!  No phone calls, no e-mails…  And I’m like “what the hell?”  Granted, the phone works two ways.  And Lord knows I’ve been busy as ever, but still…  I’ve really been thinking about this for a while now…  Ever since my mother died.  I ask myself, what if it were ME?  What if I died?  I imagine all these people being at my funeral, crying and talking about how much they loved me.  Or I imagine someone calling my house for the first time in ions, only to hear “AC died last month…”  And you KNOW that person would feel regret!  Why?  Because they just ASSUME I’ll be here forever, no matter what… They ASSUME that they don’t have to call me or write me or keep in touch, because I’ll always be in the same place, etc…  

Are you so consumed with your OWN life that you can’t take out a moment to contact YOUR loved ones?  You better stop taking people for granted, because tomorrow isn’t promised!  That’s the ONLY thing that gets me through the day, when I think about losing my mother…  I know for a FACT that we didn’t take each other for granted.  SHE knew I loved her.  I KNEW she loved me.  We talked every day, about some of “everything!!!”  Something crazy would happen on the news, and I’d immediately call Mommy and be like “did YOU hear about THAT?!”  She’d do the same to me.  Now THAT’S friendship.  Sometimes I’d make her a CD compilation, with some songs I know would take her BACK in time…  She used to be so happy, she’d cry.  I’d sit with her and hug her, while she sang along with each song – because every song had a different memory to it, and you could tell that it did her soul good.  

I wish I could call Mommy right now…  When I got the part in the movie, I immediately picked up the phone and was like, “Let me call MOMMY!”  But that’s when I’m painfully reminded.  Damn…  I can’t call her.  And I should know that she’s up in heaven, smiling down at me – but sometimes it’s hard to believe in spirits.  I know there’s a God.  I’m just being honest.  I miss my mother, and I wish she was here with me – not just in spirit, but in HUMAN form, like she used to be.  

Then again, am I being selfish?  While my mother was here in human form, she suffered daily.  I KNOW she had a lot of obstacles to overcome, from polio to breast cancer – neither of which claimed her life, I might add.  I know she struggled a LOT, just to survive on a daily basis.  When she got laid off from United Way (or should I say, forced to leave), she knew she couldn’t live forever off her retirement money.  The fact that she put most of it away for us – her children, makes me wonder…  Did she KNOW she would die?  Was this her way of making sure we were taken care of?  

Moving on (because Lord knows I could talk FOREVER about my mother), I think it’s time for me to release another record.  Did I tell you that I was gonna release a limited-edition White Vinyl 12-inch of SKY and CRUCIFIED?  (New mixes, of course!)  That’ll be my next official Wallshaker release.  I’ll also put little tributes on the record – one on each side.  One for my father; one for my mother.  I miss them both terribly…

Now I’ve gotta go for now.  I need to go to the store and buy myself a PERM for my hair – oooh, you should SEE it right now…  And I have a house guest coming by in about an hour or so.  I swear, black people are SO last minute!  (  I’ll write more soon, but in the meantime, thanks for listening – to my music AND my rants.  Just knowing that someone out there gives a damn, makes all the difference in the world.

Love
AC