Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Lil' Update

Geez…  All the weight I’ve lost, I’ve gained back.  This depression is too much.  I think I’m gonna make a doctor’s appointment and have him do something about it.  In the meantime, Mel is sleeping on the fucking couch.  At least that’s a start.  For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, please listen to Betty Wright’s “After the Pain.”  You’ll know exactly what I’m feeling, and why I just can’t seem to let this stupid muthafucker go…  Seriously, listen to it.  

Detrevolution is also delayed – but at least it’s only for a week…  I spoke to the pressing plant today – there was a small issue with the artwork, and I had to approve the new “proofs” before they could continue.  So now, instead of Sept. 30, I’ll have the album finished on Oct. 7th.  Personally, I’m okay with it – I’m just SO DAMN TIRED of things being out of my control.  And then to announce it on my site – how the hell am I gonna tell my fans?  Oh well, I guess they’ll understand.  One more week won’t kill me, or them.  And trust me.  The CD is well worth it.  

Well, I guess I’ll be going to bed early tonight – which means, before midnight.  Tomorrow morning, I’m starting my workout schedule again.  Dana’s coming over to work out with me, and I swear that if she doesn’t bring her ass here, I’m gonna dismiss her.  Period.  

OMG… I guess that “straight people” aren’t the only crazy people in the world…  My old “friend” Marvin (whom I only know from online) and I were chatting tonight.  And without thinking, I asked him when he had a free weekend to come up from Ohio to Detroit.  When he asked me why, I answered “because I want to see you!”  I even offered to pay for the ticket.  OMG, he flipped out.  He got all weirded out because he thought I had “other” motives…  Of course, I had to explain that I meant it in a FRIENDLY way –I was only trying to spend some time with my “friends!”  Only THEN did he calm down.  “Ohhh, FRIENDS, okay!”  What a fucking slap in the face.

Oh well…  One look on the bright side:  I have 3 Hostess Blueberry Pies sitting in front of me, and I only ate ONE of them!!!  The rest I’ll either save for later days, or maybe I’ll just throw them away – or give them to the boys.  

See u soon…

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Stressed but Blessed...

God, I’m just a smorgasbord of emotions today…  Just a little while ago, we had a huge thunderstorm.  Jevon and I were home alone (Stefan and Mel were out running errands).  Jevon says to me, “Daddy, God is crying.”   My first thought was to give him a big hug and tell him that God is really just “watering his garden.”  But before I could do that, Jevon ran into his bedroom, and returned to the living room and opened the front door.  He pointed his Spongebob Squarepants toy up to the sky and innocently said, “Will this make you feel better, God?”  Tell me that’s not the most precious thing ever!!!  

My album’s at the pressing plant – yay!  With each passing day, I get more excited.  Just so you know, I’m creating a web page devoted entirely to Detrevolution – just like I did with Uncloseted.  More on that later.  Musically speaking, I’ve been dying to get my hands in as many projects as I can – just to keep myself sane.  Because outside of music, my life is fuckin’ crazy…  

Case in point…  Y’all remember the ANT incident on my birthday, right?  Well, as you know, I’ve been battling with THAT demon ever since.  And I was doing quite well, I might add… Just when the memories began to slip from the front of my mind…  BAM.  I meet up with ANOTHER dude, who – yep, you guessed it…  Has been having sex with MEL…  

This particular guy (I’ll call him Choc – part of his screen name) has also been up to Mel’s job, where he was treated to a blowjob.  Mel’s been to his house as well, for the same thing.  Mind you, after ANT’s adventure, Mel ASSURED me that there was no one else besides Ant … and Adam…  Now I find out (ironically, not from Mel) that he’s been with Choc.  Repeatedly.  Again, I felt like I was kicked in the damn stomach…  But I asked Mel to come clean, yet again… And oh boy, did he!  

Let me see…  Thanks to Yahoo!, Mel’s had the pleasure of hooking up with Choc (3 times, he says), Dark Angel – some fatal-attraction shit happened there…  There was Ant..  Adam… And oh yeah.  The guy at the bookstore.  Aside from the bookstore guy (and supposedly Dark Angel), he’s been with all of these guys 3 times…  

As for the Fatal-Attraction stuff??!!  Let me tell u…  This Dark Angel bitch invited Mel over –of course Mel went.  Well, there was much more to THIS session, so I’ve heard.  Not only were they 100% naked in bed together, they were all PASSIONATELY KISSING, touching – basically making love.  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!  I can’t barely get ANYTHING AT ALL from Mel, and this Internet bitch gets to passionately kiss and love my man?  Baby, Detroit is a BIG city, but a SMALL world…  I’ll cross paths with that bitch someday, and when I do?  OOOH, it will not be pretty.  

Before I continue, I forgot to tell you about Choc.  I actually KNOW Choc from back in the day.  He tried to hit on ME, back when I was a DJ @ Silent Legacy in 1996-97.  He also slept with my man at the time, Eric – God rest his soul.  (and SAVE mine!)  Choc didn’t even know that Mel HAD a man.  Mel kept his game air-tight.  Fucking bastard.  Had ME believing that he was faithful, with NO secrets.  Meanwhile, this bitch is sucking every available dick in Detroit.  Again, I am sickened.  But anyway…  Back to Fatal Attraction…  

Fatal Attraction fell “in love” with Mel; sending him all sorts of “offline” messages like “I wanna be with YOU,” “Please come and see me again sometime,” “I want a relationship.”  From what Mel says, he “cut him off.”  Who knows if I believe that or not…  

I feel like I should have a big sign posted on Mel’s forehead, that says “ATTENTION:  If you encounter the Yahoo! Screen name “dwnriverman,” please know that that’s AC’s MAN you’re being sucked off by!”

I’ll tell you what.  I’ve lost all trust in Mel.  I’ve lost all faith.  I’ve lost all respect.  What I thought was love, was a lie…  Last night, I told this to my best friend Robbie, who said:  “Outside of this, Mel’s a good man, and you know it!”  To which, I replied:  “No, bitch.  Mel’s a good LIAR!  He had me BELIEVING he was a good man…”  Robbie was speechless, but he agreed.  

After arguing, fussing, fighting, cussing…  I’ve asked Mel to leave.

Legally, Mel has 30 days to get the hell out of this house.  I wish he’d go back to California, so I can at least go OUT in Detroit, without hearing another story of someone else sleeping with Mel.  He begged me to “think it over…”  He begged me to “have some hope…”  Hope for what?!  He’s NEVER gonna change – once a dog, always a dog.  He may “change” for a minute – until he gets comfortable again, them BAM!  The shit’s gonna start all over again.  

But here’s a question for myself…  You see, I’ve gotten used to my lifestyle now.  I’ve spent the past 4 years of my life with this man.  FOUR YEARS.  To me, that’s a long time – especially in GAY relationships.  You know gay folks can’t stay together long enough for the ink to dry on the marriage papers…  But anyway…  My question…  Do I STAY with him?  If I stay with him, I’ve truly gotta be 100% okay with the fact that MEL IS A DOG…  I’ve got to be prepared for that.  I can’t walk around feeling hateful all the time…  (I’m feeling Hateful…  because u pissed me off…)  

Or should I just cut my losses, pray for strength and move on without him?  I’m scared.  I admit it.  I’m scared to death.  I love the partnership that we have.  Jevon was ONE YEAR OLD when Mel entered my life.  We’re all Jevon knows!  Stefan (who already has attachment issues) doesn’t deserve another trauma in his life – I PROMISED him that I wouldn’t cause that kind of trauma for him, EVER!  

I’m NOT afraid of the money…  Yes, the money is nice – and since Mel’s not in the music business, his checks are a bit more stable than MINE.  True, I make my money.  But I’d definitely have to either sell TONS MORE records, or go out and get a 9-5 to maintain…  Hell.  I’m a man.  I’m able-bodied.  I can do this.  (Oh no not I…  I will survive!)   What should I do?

I don’t even know if I love Mel anymore…  That’s how I feel.  I love “something…”  I guess I just need some time and space to figure things out.  In the meantime, I’m here.  HE’S here – gottdamn him.  He says he feels remorse – sorry ass muthafucker, of course you do…  You got CAUGHT!  AGAIN!!!!!  But I digress…And go to bed, a fucking MESS…

I’m stressed, but blessed…

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Definition of Love...

My definition of love was 6ft1... broad shoulders,
dark tan, and a nice, big, BIG... …bank account.

Ooh, how I prayed for the day he would enter my life and stay...
Hello, was all he had to say. In his arms I would lay…
Struck by his venom, I danced to his rhythm.
From nightfall until sunrise,
Earthquakes in my thighs,
And like the morning sun, my man would rise…
And he would smile... Damn, he was fine.
As he stared into my eyes, and whispered 2 me...
"We’ve got 2 do this again sometime”...
But before I could speak my mind, he said...
“Hit me up, next time you see me online..."


And with that, he turned 2 leave
Taking with him, my self esteem...
But in the midst of my tears, something divine
showed me what I desperately needed to find.

What I thought was love was a lie...
The REAL definition of love is inside...

Taken from “Definition of Love,” by Aaron-Carl
Available on the album, DETREVOLUTION.

Friday, September 16, 2005


Today, I’m feeling blessed.  My Toulousian friend JIM is celebrating HIS birthday today!  As you know, he sent me a wonderful package of goodies (or 2 or 3 or 5….) for my birthday.  I promised him I’d surprise him, and I most certainly did.  I woke up this morning, wrote and recorded a special birthday song for him!  And NO, it wasn’t that cheesy, common-day “Happy Birthday 2 You” song…  It’s SILLIER!  It invokes the special memories that Jim and I (and Pascal and Emilie) shared while they were here visiting Detroit for the Fuse-In Festival.  They stayed for nearly 2 weeks – and as you may or may not know, they spent MOST of that time with ME!  

But nonetheless, I’m really feeling happy today.  Timmariah and I stayed up until the WEE hours of the night, just talking on the phone about “everything!”  First off, I can’t believe I would stay on the phone for THAT long, talking to ANYBODY I wasn’t sleeping with…  (Well, besides Julian – but that’s a different story…)  I don’t know what it was, last night!  I just “let down my guard,” and let myself ENJOY my conversation with Tim.  Why exactly do I call him Mariah?!  It’s the braids, first of all…  Honey, he’ll get to talking, and he would flip those braids!  So diva-like.  Not to mention an ego the size of Texas!  Oh yeah…  And he keeps trying to hit those high-ass notes when he sings, against my wishes, of course!  Some men can hit those notes and sound good…  Others are like WHOA!  Don’t go there!!!  Tim’s one of those “whoa, don’t go there” folks.  But we get along.  And one day, “Mariah” just slipped out…  And I thought about it…  Hmmm…  That’s his new pet name!  So in a friendly manner (of course), I introduce him to everyone I know as “Mariah Carey.”  Tim cracks up laughing.  What a sense of humor – even for a straight guy.  

So Timmariah is playing saxophone on my CD.  We did a fabulous song together, which I think rounds out my album perfectly!  But I’ll save that info until AFTER the CD hits.  

Right now, I think I’ll take a nap – considering that I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep (Thanks TM!  But it was fun!)…  Again, I’m feeling real blessed right now.  I hope you’re all having a great day as well.  

Love on u…

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Alright…  I feel better today.  While I STILL stand firmly behind my comments from last night, I can’t let this drama bother me too much…  

Today I did something I never thought I would do – after my P2P leak…  I sent Steefaan (my biggest fan in the whole world) a copy of the complete DETREVOLUTION album.  He nearly fainted!!!  His reaction was priceless!!!  Needless to say, I was quite excited myself…  Of course, you understand, that if I see this version spread anywhere on the Internet, I’m gonna hop on a plane, fly to Rouen, France, and kick his…  (Guitar riff!)

Speaking of fans…  Where in the hell is GUS GUS?  My Icelandic friends are probably way too busy to write, but I miss them.  They have an album coming out as well, called “D’Generation” – unless they changed the title.  We did a song together for this album as well, but I haven’t heard anything about it since.  Rumor has it that it’s on the CD…  But until it’s finalized, one never knows…  Nonetheless, I miss them a lot.

I’ll write more later…  Timmariah (That’s Tim / Mariah – I’ll explain later) is online…


Off My Chest...

Lord, have mercy… You ever have one of those days where EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong?! That’s me, LATELY… the kids are working my last damn nerve… While the house is quiet during school hours (thank God), I’ve actually been working like crazy to finish this album – which YAY, it’s finished!

I know I say this all the time, but I can’t wait for DETREVOLUTION to hit the stores… When people can actually go out and buy the CD… When they can HEAR the blood sweat and tears… I look forward to that. But of course, whatever CAN go wrong, DOES go wrong… I’ll save that for another day, and I’ll just knock on wood for now. Hell… If I have to release it online first, that fucking album WILL be heard!

My friends – excuse me… My supposed friends are all working my gottdamn nerves today… Kelli and I had a fabulous lunch today, in honor of her birthday. We ate so much shrimp at Red Lobster, I had to come home and take a NAP… Today, all I really ate was fish and fruit – you can guess what happened…

Of course, there’s the never-ending battle of the bulge – and no, NOT the good bulge. You know, I’m just sick of it. I wanna get up in the morning and just turn into a gym bunny. I wanna exercise ALL DAY. Maybe I’ll release some frustration… Maybe these pounds will fall off like – well, like POUNDS.

I need a damn hug… I need a REAL LIVE, BONA FIDE HUG… And a little more cash wouldn’t hurt matters either.

Alright, now that the “general bitchfest” is done… I can continue about my day. My best friend Robbie told me something that I swear I’ll NEVER understand… This fool bought his EX-boyfriend a CAR. Why? Because the sorry nigga couldn’t buy it his DAMN self… (and yes, I can say it – I’m exempt. LOL) Apparently the EX’s credit was so bad, he couldn’t finance a car. So he asks his live-in lover – some old tired mess, who says no… Who does the EX turn to? “Mr I’Can’t Say No, Even Though I’m Sloppy Seconds, Last On Your List, and by the way, You Fucked Me Over” Robbie! Now, I LOVE Robbie to death. But come on, now… There are just some things even I can’t imagine… If JAY (my ex) asked me to buy ANYTHING for him, I’d curse his ass out. AFTER I laugh in his face… AFTER I get over the shock that he’d even had the NERVE to ask ME, of all people!

Oh well… what can u do? Life goes on…

I also spoke to a distributor “associate” about the politics of the record industry… I’m still having trouble accepting the fact that he’s YET to buy a single one of MY records from Wallshaker. But like most people, he talks shit… Until it’s time for action, and then POOF… gone. During our conversation, he says to me, “I’ll take 50 of your upcoming CD…” 50 copies. Ok. Now mind you, 50 copies is 50 copies. I’ll sell it to whoever’s buying, u hear me? But the fucking POLITICS?! I can’t understand…

Mind you, I know some people reading this are going “Hey… Aaron’s just telling ALL his business!” They think it’s not proper etiquette to get online and air out all your dirty laundry. You know what? Fuck you. YES, I’m supposed to be this “star…” And when I’m onstage or in the studio, yes, the fuck I AM a star… But when the show is over, there’s a PERSON standing here… And this PERSON is tired of being used, abused, taken advantage of, taken for GRANTED, cheated on, fucked over, lied to, lied ABOUT… I’m sick of it. Fuck etiquette. I’m pissed the fuck OFF.

Hold up, wait a minute…

I’m not about to have one of those Mariah Carey breakdowns… I’m sure that tomorrow, I’ll feel better. I’ll be able to deal with all this craziness around me. Maybe I’ll hear a friendly voice from a REAL friend tomorrow – whomever that may be… HAHA.. The life of a star, right? I have tons of fans… So few friends. And even from those FEW, I’m like “what’s going on?”

I promised myself I’d be in bed a few hours ago… I TOLD myself I wouldn’t torture my body like this; staying up half the night, KNOWING I’ve got so much to do during the day… Oh well… We’ll try again tomorrow.

Nite nite…

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Tidal Wave

All of a sudden, I feel old.  I feel tired.  I feel week.  I feel black.  I feel gay.  I feel wrong…  I feel abandoned.  I feel unloved…  untouchable…  unwanted… undesirable…  And it all came at once, out of nowhere…

Music Friend

I have a friend who is trying so hard to break into the music industry, it’s unreal.  When I first met him, he mailed me a collection of songs – an album, if you will.  From the first beat to the last, I fell in love.  The sound was so raw, so full of emotion.  And while the vocals weren’t exactly the 100% polished pop bullshit, I appreciated the effort.  I felt the music.  I “got the point,” if you will…  

This friend tried to get a record deal through a French record label, which I guess I won’t name – you know how sensitive bitches can get…  According to the story, the Label folded; leaving my artist friend out in the cold.  Instead of keeping his head up, my artist friend seemed to take things personally.  I guess I would’ve too…  But anyway, my friend works tirelessly on these songs – these SAME songs!  Re-working, remixing (I’ve done a couple myself), anything he can do to “get a break.”  Of course the more he tries, the more frustrated he becomes – because the industry is COLD, honey!!!  

I wish he had the cash to release his own record.  Hell, I wish I had the cash to release it FOR him…  

Why am I writing this?  Because this morning, after days of “fearing” this new version of his song he emailed me, I finally listened to it.  And as soon as the song came on, I was like WTF?!  What happened to the ORIGINAL?  The soul is GONE…  And I KNOW why he re-did this song… because he feels that somebody will NOW notice him.  He feels that his ORIGINAL vibe wasn’t good enough…  And that’s just not TRUE!  

I believe in my friend, and I sent him an email letting him know this.  He’ll probably say something to me like “bitch, YOU release it!”  But as I said before, if I could, I would.  Hell, I’m having enough of a time releasing my OWN stuff – and I’m ESTABLISHED!  

I’ll have to write more later – I stayed up half the night, conversing with another music “friend.”  Although HE pissed me off to no end, and I’m seriously re-considering my decision to work with him – I’ll save that for another blog.  In the meantime, I need some shuteye.  


Saturday, September 03, 2005

Angel on my Shoulder

I was eating dinner today, and an overwhelming feeling came over me.  There are people in this country, affected BADLY by this hurricane.  No food, no place to go, no nothing.  And my heart got heavy.  Very heavy…  Mind you, I have family all throughout Louisiana.  I’m sure that some of my relatives are among the people who are suffering.  One question burned in my mind:  what can I do about it?  How can I help?  I didn’t want to send money to the Red Cross, because I felt like that wouldn’t be enough.  It just didn’t seem like the humane thing to do, you know?  I can’t just “throw them some money and look the other way…”  No, this shit is too serious!  So I’ve decided to “adopt a family.”  I figured this much:  Whatever I have, it’s a lot more than THEY have right now.  Just the thought of even sitting there, amongst dead bodies, no bathrooms, no water, no food, no anything…  I can’t sleep at night, knowing that I’m here, safe and dry, while THEY’RE out there suffering.  While it’s not possible for me to drive down to New Orleans (or any other affected area) and say “hey, you wanna come to Detroit?!”  I did the next best thing.  

There’s a website (hosted by an organization called MoveOn) called www.hurricanehousing.org, where you can connect your empty beds with hurricane victims who desperately need a place to wait out the storm.  I’m urging everyone who has the means, please visit this site.  

You can post your offer of housing (a spare room, extra bed, even a decent couch) on http://www.hurricanehousing.org or search there for housing if you need it.
MoveOn will pass requests from hurricane victims or relief agencies on to volunteer hosts, who can decide whether or not to respond to a particular request. The host remains anonymous until they reply to someone looking for housing.
I just posted my own offer. I hope you will too, or pass this on to people you know in the Southeast:

Housing is most urgently needed within reasonable driving distance (about 300 miles) of the affected areas, especially New Orleans. But even if you don’t live in that region, don’t let that stop you.  You can definitely make a difference.

Peace, love and many blessings…

Silver Lining

OMG…  Last night’s gig @ The Hub was awesome.  Kelli Hand showed up, and I was SO happy to see her there.  BJ from Aux 88 was there – I’ve gotta get together with him and do a track, I swear!  My mother and her “friend” John were also in attendance, looking like members of my fan club – wearing their Aaron-Carl T-shirts. (I also wore mine…)  Speaking of T-shirts; although I had them made in time for the Fuse-In Detroit Music Festival, I didn’t plan to sell them until DETREVOLUTION comes out.

Speaking of Detrevolution, you KNOW I had to drop some of the tunes from the album – no announcement, no nothing.  I just played them.  And oh man, did they go over VERY WELL…  It was such a thrill to hear “Satisfy U” blaring through the speakers – and when Kelli rushed to the DJ booth; I knew she was feeling it too.  Those who know me KNOW that I rarely (if ever) play my own tracks during my DJ sets.  But this time, I had to work it.  Another track from the album (which I won’t name) went over even better!  Kelli had me cracking up… she said “THIS is YOU?”    

Shortly after my set, I left.  Mommy and John were starting to argue, and I would certainly be embarrassed if I was caught in the middle.  Apparently, John was frustrated that my mother (who loved the “star” attention) kept drinking White Zinfandels and was quickly getting drunk.  Mommy got frustrated because John kept “watching” her and complaining.  She also accused him of cheating, every time he got up to leave – for nearly 10 minutes at a time…  

But nonetheless, my night was still good.  I got home at around 2 a.m., and didn’t go to bed until 4.  (Don’t ask – hahaha!)  I woke up at 10 this morning, with the phone ringing – funny how LOUD the phone seems, when you’re sleeping!  I cut my conversation short, thinking I could get some sleep… Until Mel knocks on the bedroom door, with a package from Toulouse, France – for ME!!!  JIM had already sent me some records on two different occasions – both birthday presents.  He told me another package was coming, but he didn’t say when, so this was a total surprise!  He sent me a box full of French snacks – little chocolate cookies and crackers…  A nice giant jar of Nutella (which wasn’t available here before, but it is now)…  A big red sweatshirt with the Toulouse logo on it…  The most fascinating Birthday card that I’ve ever received in my life – you open it, and there are 3 flashing candles – when you blow (literally) on the candles, the song “Happy Birthday to You” plays…  WOW, that Jim is amazing.  He’s said to me before that he wanted me to feel special.  This is proof.  God bless Jim.  Just wait until HIS birthday…  I’m gonna surprise him like no other!

Today is gonna be a wonderful day…

Friday, September 02, 2005

Friendly Phone Call

(phone rings)

AC:  Hello?

DF:  Hi baby, I love you….

AC:  Oh, what’s up?

DF:  Nothing’s up… Dang!  Can’t I call you just to say hi?

AC:  Sure u can…  Now, what’s up?

DF:  Nothing…  How are you today?

AC: I’m fine…  Now, what’s up?

(A brief pause…)

DF:  Alright, alright…  I DO want something.

(AC thinks to himself:  mmmHMM…)

DF:  Can you watch my kid for me?

Damn, I should’ve never answered my phone…  Oh well…  Gotta love my friends.  (lol…  “friends.”)  I’ve gotta practice DJing for my gig tonight.  I’m playing alongside Eddie Flashin’ Fowlkes tonight.    I’m nervous as hell.  Excited and honored, of course…  Then again, I ALWAYS get nervous playing at home (Detroit).  How funny is that?  I can travel the world, and be fine…  I play at home, and I’m worried sick.    Wish me luck.


Thursday, September 01, 2005

P2P Leaked!

Alright now…  I’m no prude, BUT…  I’ve just discovered some new Aaron-Carl songs circulating around on a P2P network…  Songs that are on the upcoming DETREVOLUTION album…  In fact, these particular songs were tracks that I’d given to a few trusted “friends.”  What can I say?  I’m shocked as hell…  

Now let’s be real.  We’re no stranger to the ol’ P2P network.  I’m not against it by any means.  In fact, when I discovered my tracks online, I was flattered.  Usually, I’d find the biggest hits, like MY HOUSE or DANCE NAKED, or DOWN…  (I could care less if Down was posted all over the net, but that’s a different story altogether…)    But tracks from my new album, that aren’t even released yet?  Songs that have NEVER been heard by the public?  That hurt my feelings…  

Damn…  Can’t u give the people a chance to BUY the album first?!  That’s my only gripe.  Besides the fact that I sent these tracks in the strictest confidence, trusting that the people would keep it to THEMSELVES…

But things happen for a reason.  I’ve changed my Intro for the album, so the version that’s circulating throughout the net is NOT the same intro that’s on the CD…  The other song that I discovered – well, that song’s the bomb.  LOL…  Sorry y’all, but I’m proud as hell of that one…  

I only ask that you wait for the actual CD to be released…  And if you can’t wait, then fine.  Download the tracks.  Enjoy them…  And when the CD comes out, buy it anyway.  Support the artists – especially when they’re working their asses off…