Monday, December 26, 2005

One Quick Note

You may have noticed that my Fuse-In performance was removed from the site.  No worries.  There were no problems.  I simply wanted to convert the video to a format that was easier for the visitors to view.  The performance will be re-posted within the next few days, plus I'll even give you the option to download it.  

Thanks for the patience.  
Love
AC

PS:  Uncloseted will be re-pressed soon, for those who are looking for it.  ( Special thanks and MUCH LOVE to my friends and fans in Japan…  Peace!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Thoughts...

Right now, I have an urge to meet Wendy and Lisa.  Back in the day, I was totally obsessed with Prince.  Those melodies, those grooves…  Today, I’ve discovered that while Prince is STILL the man, Wendy and Lisa are on another level altogether.  Those two beautiful women deserve so much respect.  The unsung heroines…  The REAL driving force behind the Revolution… If I had the chance to work with Wendy and Lisa – in any capacity – it would be a total dream come true.  

Life at home has been pretty strange… I’ve been observing the behavior of my so-called “friends,” and I’ve discovered some pretty disturbing things.  You see, when you’re flying high, it seems like the whole world wants to fly with you.  But when you’re low, everyone seems to disappear.  Should I let that depress me?  Nah…  I’m better than that.  But it still hurts sometimes…  

Lord, it’s time to make some more money!  I don’t have any gigs planned for the rest of this year, so I’m relying solely on the strength of my record sales right now.  A while ago, I sold completely out of the Detrevolution album, which is WONDERFUL…  Now it’s time to re-press more.  Now I am waiting for the distributors to pay me, so I can cycle that money back into pressing more records – oh, what a crazy circle…  But this is the business – and while I’ve always dreamed of being successful in this business, I sometimes scream at the amount of hard work involved.  

But I shall not complain…  Life is short.  Life is fragile, and can end unexpectedly at any moment.  I’ve been thinking about moving to Europe.  Or at least someplace warm… Why the hell not?  There’s really nothing keeping me in Detroit anymore.  My mother’s gone.  My father’s gone.  While my family is still here, I just don’t see why I NEED to stay here anymore…  In other words, nothing’s really holding me back.  Mind you, I just bought my house this year.  I LOVE my house…  But I’ll sell this bitch in a heartbeat, if it means I can go somewhere else and be happy.  But that’s the killer question right there…  Where would I be happy?  How would European life be better for me?  Besides the fact that most of my fan base is in Europe – I could move there, like Madonna, and become a super-celebrity…  What am I afraid of?  I’ll ALWAYS be from DETROIT…  No matter where I live…  I will still be born and raised in Detroit.  

That’s it for now…  I seriously need to prepare for something big…  Something better…  We’ll see what happens…

AC

PS:  That new Madonna album is cute…  I expected a little bit more, but it’s cute…

Monday, December 05, 2005

Ghetto Sunday

Last night was truly ghetto fabulous!  Trench and I planned a nice little “ghetto” dinner party at my house, to celebrate where we came from – and to remind us about where we’re NOT…  Let me tell you what was on the menu…  

Our FIRST meal – at 2pm, was “CoCo Wheats.”  Come on, y’all…  You remember CoCo Wheats – not Malt-O-Meal, not Grits, not even Cream of Wheat.  It has to be COCO Wheats!  Oh man, it was good…  We forgot to buy real sugar, so we had to use confectioner’s sugar – truly ghetto in itself.  But mmmm…  Add some butter, and those Coco Wheats were the BOMB!  

We also had Kool-Aid.  I haven’t had Kool-Aid in AGES…  I think we used 3 packages, plus the confectioner’s sugar – yes, we put confectioner’s sugar in our Kool-Aid.  While it wasn’t bad, you had to be careful to leave a little left in the glass, because towards the bottom, you could taste the corn starch in the sugar.  GHETTOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Next, I tried making what USED to be our all-time favorite sandwich from back on Tuxedo (Livernois and Elmhurst, y’all!)…  Potted Meat sandwiches.  Now before you ask me what the hell is Potted Meat…  It comes in a little can, almost like the SPAM or Vienna Sausages.  It’s made by Armour, so if you are in the grocery store, look for it.  I’m surprised they still sold it.  Anyway, here’s how you work the Potted Meat.  You take the Potted Meat, put it into a bowl…  Mix it with some Miracle Whip, and spread it on bread.  Voila.  Ghetto Heaven…  Well…  Back THEN, it was.  I swear I haven’t eaten Potted Meat since 1978.  Stephen (Trench) took one bite and nearly died…  Stefan (my oldest) had tears in his eyes; he just couldn’t eat it.  Even I couldn’t make it through an entire sandwich, so I wound up giving the entire batch of Potted Meat to my dog, Reno.  She ate it happily.  

A few hours later (those Coco Wheats filled us up!), we were ready for our main courses…  First on the menu, Beany Weenie.  Mind you, back in the day, I used to call it “Hot Dogs and Pork & Beans…”  That’s all it was!  But I noticed that now they’re selling it in the stores, and they’re calling it BEANY WEENIE!  Trench said that’s what they called it back in HIS hood too…  What a name…  But DAMN, was it good!  We cut up the hotdogs ourselves – used 2 whole packs!  Trench couldn’t skimp on the beans, so we bought the Bush’s baked beans – although if you wanted to be truly ghetto, you’d buy the big-ass can of NO NAME Pork and Beans, like WE did.  Or maybe it was VanDeCamps – either way, it was the cheap label…  But I compromised – after all, I was making my “Ghetto Mac!”  

Oh, y’all didn’t eat Ghetto Mac?!  It’s the no-name BOXED Macaroni and Cheese, with the powdered Cheese…  We never used any milk.  But here’s how I always used to make it, from my days in Pine Ridge…  While you’re boiling the noodles, you mix the powdered Cheese in a bowl with some butter (or margarine).  Stir it together…  YES, it’s hard at first, but as the butter softens, it mixes with the cheese powder to make a delicious orange “cheese” paste…  LOL.  Add some pepper, wait for the noodles to finish cooking, pour the noodles in the bowl with the paste, and MMM MMM MMMMMM!!!  Trench couldn’t get enough of my Ghetto Mac.  
And last, but not least, was Trench’s infamous Spinach squares – which was simply a baked ensemble of frozen spinach and 3 packages of shredded cheese…  I think he mixed some eggs and milk with it, baked it for about 40 minutes, and served…  It’s one of those dishes best served “the next day” – so we let him take it home…  LOL…  

Talk about GOOD…  Last night was wonderful.  It was so nice to go back into the “good ol’ days.”  We’ll have to do that again sometime – the next time I’ll make my mother’s infamous “Pat’s Special” or the all-too familiar “Beans and Neckbones!”

Much love, y’all…
Aaron-Carl

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Picking Up

Ok people…  The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is finished.  I buried my mother this past Friday.  I know she’s in a much better place, and I’m at peace now, because I know that one day I will see her again.  

Now it’s time for me to bounce back and start working on more music.  Time for me to keep promoting DETREVOLUTION – which has finally made its way around the world.  That’s exactly what Mommy would’ve wanted me to do.  After all, she WAS my loudest cheerleader; my biggest fan.  Those who saw me at this year’s Fuse-In festival saw my mother in her Aaron-Carl T-shirt, sitting onstage!  LOL…

As you already know, some beautiful music is going to come from all of this…  I will never stop.  Now that I have both my Daddy AND Mommy watching me from heaven, I know I’ll be alright.

Thank you everybody, for your kind words and support.  Those who truly tried to make it to the funeral, thank you.  For HANK, who surprised me by actually COMING to the funeral, I can’t thank you enough.  I have a newfound respect for you, and our friendship.  I’ll have to also call Mike Banks, who wrote me the most beautiful e-mail – and reminded me of the strength that I knew I had all along.  I guess all that bullshit we’ve been through in the past isn’t that important after all…  Well, it IS important – just not more important than family.  I have a renewed respect for him as well.  

We’ll see what the future holds.  I’m looking forward to it…  Are you?

Love AC

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Homegoing

It kills me to have to say this... I arrived in Germany, looking forward to what would have been a wonderful trip. Instead, I received a frantic phone call from my sister... My mother, Patricia A. Ingram, was found dead in her bed this morning...

Right now I am devastated. I feel helpless, as there are NO flights leaving Germany until tomorrow afternoon. I will arrive in Detroit tomorrow afternoon, thank God. My family needs me. Right now, God is giving me so much strength.

Tomorrow I will return home to face the reality that my mother is gone... Lord help me. Please help me...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Germany Bound

In just a few short hours, I’ll be headed for the airport, on my way to Germany.  It’s an 8-hour flight, lord have mercy…  But at least I’ve got my HD-MD player to listen to, if I get bored.  I’ll also have plenty of paper to write songs with.  Although I promised myself I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to pack, that’s exactly what I did.  I still have to get my records together – why do I torture myself like this?  But in the end, all will be well.  I’m not worried.

Speaking of music, I’ve completely sold out of my first shipment of DETREVOLUTION CDs!  That’s awesome.  Underground Gallery is officially Wallshaker’s exclusive Japanese distributor.  I’m extremely excited about that!  Too bad I don’t have any CDs to take to Germany with me, but that’s okay…  I’ll ship them once I get more.  

Oh yeah...  and I got a new puppy.  Her name is Reno, and she’s a beautiful Rottweiler mix.  Right now she’s only 6 months old, so you KNOW she’s just adorable.  God, what a people person she is!  Not only does she LOVE to sleep – especially up on my bed…  But it isn’t too hard potty training her either.  Except NOW, the weather is finally starting to get colder in Detroit.  Rain, high winds, even snow.  Reno is like “no bitch, I will NOT go outside to pee!”  I don’t blame her, but OOOH, she’d better not pee on my carpet.  We’ll have to fight, if she does…

Alright, time to pack.  2 hours to go before I leave for the airport.  (Black folks, I swear…)  I’ll definitely try to write in the blog while I’m there.  Feel free to send me e-mails, as I’ll be checking them whenever I can.

Love on you…
AC

Monday, November 14, 2005

Red Light


My sexuality…  It arouses their curiosity.  Strong and aggressive, yet passive and yielding...    A king that rules with a soft glove…  Lips that rival satin with their softness…  Eyes that see past gender’s boundaries, and into the soul...      

I wrote that after a strange, yet stimulating conversation with a friend of mine…  He likes me.  He’s afraid of admitting it, though.  Society’s fucked with his head so much that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to act upon his feelings – his TRUE feelings.  I guess that makes me different.  I’m not afraid to like (or love) whomever I choose, in spite of what others say.  Then again, I’m not “special.”  ANYONE can be free, if they choose to be.

But our conversation got me to thinking:  What is so fascinating about homoeroticism?  Submissive masculinity…  That’s so fascinating to me.  Have you ever seen two men kiss each other?  I’m not talking about greeting customs…  I’m talking about pure passion.  To watch a MAN kiss another MAN, the way he would kiss a WOMAN…  That’s hot.  Damn, that’s hot.  

I could dive deeper into my thoughts, but I just checked out my message board:  www.aaroncarl.com/phpBB2.  Somebody left me a message tonight, in regards to my daily blog, saying:

You should really look into what other people said about this...

Hmmm….  Exactly what ARE other people saying about this?  Am I about to get chastised for “saying too much?”  Well, let me make this as clear as possible…  F.U.C.K. OFF, if you have a problem with me writing about my life.  Simple and plain…  The End.  

Till next time…
AC

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Success! Gary Martin's First Jackit Mix

The first Jackit Required party was a success!  Gary, Trench and I each rocked the crowds in our own special ways…  Gary tore it up with techno…  Trench brought some old-school flavor into the mix, and I brought some of everything, LOL!  

We each played 2 sets throughout the night, 1 hour apiece.  It was very nice to “tag team” the way we did.  I can’t wait for the next party.  In the meantime, I’m posting our sets online to either stream or download.  However, since I’m doing this in real time, you’ll just have to hear the sets one at a time.

So, without further delay, I’d like to present Gary Martin’s first set.  Stream it (www.wallshaker.com/music/gm1a.ram) or Download it:  www.wallshaker.com/music/gm1a.zip

Enjoy it…  
AC    

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Opening Night - Preshow

It’s opening night…  The first night of the official “JACKIT REQUIRED” party, featuring Gary Martin, Trench (Subject Detroit) and myself.  I admit I’m a little nervous.  Then again, I’m ALWAYS nervous before a DJ set or live performance.  Tonight, I’m bringing all kinds of records – old school House, techno, electro – even ghettotech.  I’m ready for these boys and girls…

Just thinking aloud here…  I want to visit Japan.  I’ve sold quite a few CDs in Japan already, and I know the crowds will be WONDERFUL over there.  Underground Gallery should still be in charge of distributing my Detrevolution CD in Japan, so who knows what can happen?  Before long, I could be writing from Tokyo.

I’d write more, but I must finish getting ready for tonight.  I’ll record the sets and post them online, so people can hear for themselves.  I can’t wait to hear Gary Martin spin.  And I KNOW that Trench is gonna tear it up.  Wish me luck, folks!

Talk more soon,
AC

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Moods

I’m in one of those moods again – the kind where I need a big hug.  Tomorrow morning is the funeral for Mrs. Rosa Parks.  I was gonna try to go to the church, but I know it will be hell trying to get in.  It’s okay, because all the news stations will broadcast it live.  I’ll be sure to watch it.  I just have to get a glimpse of her – for the last time…  I know that if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  

I’m also thinking about resuming the CD orders online – the CD + T-shirt + shipping…  It went over quite nicely, I must say!  Although it was hilarious because some people kept saying the T-shirt (XL) was too big!  You must remember, Americans are bigger.  Call it what you want.  

Aside from that, I miss my friends…  Jim Guyot, Tommi White…  I miss them.  Julian – I miss him too.  But I’m not gonna let feelings of loneliness get the best of me.  I’ll be alright.  Like Michelle Weeks said, “Be thankful, be grateful for the sun that shines…”  Sure will…  

Love
AC

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Cherry Juice

It’s official…  Cherry Juice Recordings is officially a label!  Well, a sub-label of Wallshaker Music, of course.  But a label, nonetheless!  Laurent & Lewis’ “Motion” single – the record  adore SO MUCH – will be the first release.  White labels should be coming in just a couple weeks.  Today, the site is officially online.  www.cherryjuicerecordings.com

Paris meets Detroit…  I LOVE that sound!  And before you ask who the Domoticians are, they are Laurent Chambon and myself.  You can finally hear what happens when Laurent and I put our heads together.  (  Fabulous…

AC

Miss Scott

Overflowing with emotions, after listening to Jill Scott speak the truth…  Singing songs of love; how it feels to be in love…  How it feels to grow from love...  The struggle to get back up on your feet, after getting knocked down by love…  Damn, I love me some Jill Scott.  

I watched her videos today.  I visited her website.  I did internet searches on her name, just to hear what other people had to say about this angel; this old-soul, this epitome of natural beauty, Miss Jill Scott.  I harmonized with her.  I practiced her vocal acrobatics.  Dear Miss Scott, you don’t know me from Adam…  But you surely touched my soul…

I think I needed that dose of realness today.  Or maybe I just needed to escape from my own reality for a day…  

PS:  To the supposed “friends” that were too “busy” to speak to me today – especially when I NEEDED to hear a friendly voice, or have some stimulating chat…  It’s ok.  Funny how life works…  When you’re riding high, everyone wants to be around you…  When you’re feeling a little “shot down,” no one’s around.  I’m cool, though…

…AC

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Open Letter to MP3Tidalwave

First, I want to say THANK YOU for supporting my album, and visiting my web site. I'm writing here to tell you a few things, about my blog especially...
I know there are some "terrible," stories in my blog, but please understand this: I'm more than just a "famous producer/DJ" from Detroit. I'm a REAL person. And these things are a part of my REAL life.

As for "The One..." I don't mention his name because first, I don't want a lawsuit. But more importantly, I'm not trying to speak bad about him. I'm not out to hurt him in any way. HOWEVER, I will not be silent about what happened to me in my career. I MUST speak the truth about it. And if that shows people the "dark side" of Detroit, then I apologize -- but I can't lie about it.

Here in Detroit, we have some of the world's greatest talent. But along with that talent, comes a dark side... There's an attitude like "I've got mine, YOU get YOURS..." Have you noticed that a LOT of my records aren't sold through "their" company? Have you ever asked yourself why? I have... And I discovered that they're not trying to help me. Ever since I parted ways with them (back in 1998), I've been on my own. It's hard sometimes, trying to find distribution -- especially companies who already deal with "them." But no worries... I'm doing okay.

Don't get me wrong... People who want my music know where to find me. I don't hide behind a mask. I don't have this mysterious image. People appreciate me for just being me.

Thank you once again, for keeping track of me. Enjoy the album... :-)

Much respect,
Aaron-Carl

Monday, October 24, 2005

Testimony

Thank God for my strength.  Thank Him for opening my eyes to see through the madness I’ve endured today…

I went for a meeting today, with The One who asked me to sing on his next record.  Ever since he called me the other night, it’s been on my mind.  He spoke about the “benefits” of be being on one of his records – how it would “blow up” and shock the world, basically.  In a way, he’s right.  If we worked together, we could definitely make some magic.  In all honesty, deep down inside, I yearned to record and produce records with them; to be part of their “family.”     Nearly 10 years ago, when I first met him, he seemed to take me under his wing.  He was like my father, in a way.  Because of him, I know the difference between a good idea and a great song.  I know the difference between a good song and a hot record.  (But I digress, as I’m sure you get the point…)

When I learned (thank you Lord) that I was basically being used – under contract with NO rights to my music whatsoever, I got the hell away from there…  It’s funny.  I thought there would be a struggle to get out of my contract, but he didn’t put up a fight whatsoever.  He KNEW he was in control...  And with that, he let me go…  Sent me on my way, with nothing but my name…  But even as he did that, he kept smiling…  I’ll never forget his words to me:  “Go on out there; get your feet wet.  And when you’re ready, come on back…  You’ll always have a home…”  And like that, I was alone.  It happened so fast that nobody really knew I was gone.  Sure, I made my own records.  Sure, I got my “feet wet.”  Sure, my first 8 records of my career are songs that I didn’t own rights to, but I didn’t care.  I was free…  I was free to make BETTER songs – which is exactly what I did.  

When OVUM Recordings approached me to license the song “My House,” I knew as soon as I read the contract:  bitch, you will NOT own this song.  You are signing away your rights forever, and this little advance money we’re giving you is NOTHING compared to the money we’ll make off this song…  But you know what?  I took the deal.  I took it because I knew that my record would be successful – even if I didn’t have much to show for it, besides some fame.  That’s exactly what happened.  My “let-me-tell-you-about-HOUSE MUSIC” speech is one of the most sampled speeches in House music today.  It’s right up there with “In the beginning, there was Jack…”  And no, I’m not saying this out of conceit.  It’s the truth.  When my record hit the Billboard Top 40 Dance chart, I was ecstatic.  Although I was broke as hell, I still felt a sense of pride.  And while I’m grateful that My House went on to become one of my biggest records, I’m still well aware that my contract wasn’t made with my best interests in mind.  (They never are…)  But hey…  I wasn’t bitter.  At least THIS time, I got f*cked with LUBE – metaphorically speaking…

So back to The One…  Years went by, I became more successful, and all of a sudden, here comes “Mister…”  This time it was to remix a song of his – anyone know what it was?  I’m sure you have a clue…  Of course I took the chance and remixed it, to rave reviews.  And yes, the public was shocked (in a good way) that “THEY” were cool enough to work with ME…  So here I am, on the B-side of THEIR record – needless to say, it did wonders for my name, but again, I didn’t own sh*t.  And again, I was okay with it, because at least my eyes were open…  It was a good career move…  (Whoever said I haven’t paid my dues can kiss my ass…  The WHOLE thing…)

Mind you, I was still hurting inside.  The so-called “HOME” I had wasn’t there when I came back.  When I was desperately in need of a distributor for my label, they often turned a deaf ear.  That hurt my feelings…  On occasion, they bought a few copies of my records to sell – but I don’t think I’ve EVER sold more than 20 records at a time to them – maybe not even more than 10.  

When the first Detroit Electronic Music Festival started, I was sure to be one of the performing artists.  After all, my record “DOWN” was one of the biggest records in Detroit at this time…  It would’ve been perfect.  But the festival came and went without me.  Coincidence?  Years went by, and no matter how successful I became, I was still left out of all things Detroit.  The European people had no idea about this madness going on, and I did my best to “keep up appearances.”  Mind you, I still loved HIM…  I still hoped that someday, he’d stop treating me like a bastard child.  I never badmouthed him in public.  When people assumed I was still with THEM, I would politely correct them (sometimes) and tell them that I’m on my own.  People asked me what happened, and I just couldn’t summon the courage to speak about it.  Did I fear that nobody would believe me?  Did I fear that maybe he’d tarnish my name and spoil my career?  (I admit, some of his fans are more like “followers” – like a cult…  It’s almost scary…  To some people, he’s God.  His label is their religion, and how dare this loud-mouthed “Aaron-Carl” kid badmouth their IDOL?)  Was I jealous and bitter because I was banished from the kingdom?  Was I just trying to use HIS name for my own personal gain?  No I wasn’t, by the way…  I just chalked it up to experience, and continued to move on…

Years later, I decided to break the silence and ask HIM to remix one of MY records for a change.  I sent him the tune; he fell in love with it.  We both smiled at the idea of being on the same project again…  Nice.  (Maybe this was the start of our reconciliation?)  Mind you, I knew what the f*ck I was doing.  I made sure that I still owned my rights to this song!  But more importantly, I had to prove a point to myself.  I had to prove that unless it was in HIS best interest, he would NOT support this record.  Sure enough, when the record was released, they bought 20 of them.  Shortly thereafter, they returned most of the records to me.  Apparently, there was a “defect” in the record which caused it to skip.  Mind you, I took this record to Ron Murphy, who inspected it personally.  He said that while the record “might” skip on some “old” players, I should have no problem…  

Needless to say, I repressed the record – which meant that I’d have to pay for an entirely new mastering session, new plates, new labels, etc…  Oh…  And I also changed some of the mixes on the A-side – the “defective” side.  Well, the new and “improved” record came…  I think he bought 10 copies, at best.  What a damn shame…  Poor public – the public doesn’t know or care about the drama between record labels…  They want the MUSIC.  And if the music isn’t available, they can’t buy it.  Well, now you know WHY my music wasn’t available for more people…  I was up to my ears in DRAMA – drama that I didn’t ask for.  Dr. Dre said it best during an interview…  “Buy it and bump it…”  I like that line…  It speaks volumes!

One day, The One tried to offer me a contract – he wanted me back “in the family…”  By this time in my career, I’d already made a good name for myself.  I was touring on my own, and quite regularly.  I made my money, sold my records, got my publishing in order (thank you KH!) and life was good – WITHOUT him…  But I never got over that feeling of “family.”  I wanted it so bad…  

It’s really funny, you know…  I could go without speaking to The One for years, but I still felt his presence in everything I did.  Every time I released a record, I thought to myself, “he sees this…”  Every time I perform somewhere, I know he hears about it.  As weird as it sounds, I often HOPED he was watching me, so he can see how much I’ve grown.  Maybe he’d even be proud…  So when he offered me the contract, I thought – okay…  This time, he’s finally coming around…  

I was wrong.  Mind you, he gave me all rights to every one of my old songs – with the exception of my biggest record to date, “Down.”  He wasn’t letting go of “Down” for any reason.  But damn…  Records like “Crucified,” “Make Me Happy,” “Shine,” – I was so happy to have these rights back…  But the songs are all old.  They’ve run their course…  Personally, I’ve moved on.  What the hell was I gonna do with these tunes?  (But I took them anyway, because they’re MINE!)

But why not Down?  The record is nearly 10 years old…  True, it’s a classic.  True, it still gets played on the radio – just like it did back in the day…  Truth is, as long as DOWN is making money, the label is gonna milk it.  They’ll re-release it until the public gets sick of it.  To date, it hasn’t happened.  So I guess THAT’S why I won’t get the rights back…  

But about this contract, long story short, it was quite similar to the bullsh*t I first signed…  I had no publishing…  I had no ownership…  The songs were licensed in perpetuity – that means forever (and that’s a mighty long time!)…  This time, however, I dared to open my mouth.  I dared to voice my opinion…  I dared to ASK for what I wanted – which wasn’t too much at all!  Now that I think about it, during this particular meeting, The One wasn’t even there.  So I was left to voice my opinions to a “representative…”  (Talk about a proverbial slap in the face!)  The last I heard from them, they were making a new contract for me to sign – one that better fit my specifications…  And I never heard from them again…  Until the other night, when HE called me.

So I’m at the meeting…  He was there with another “representative” – one that I hadn’t seen in nearly 10 years.  As soon as I sat down, The One proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t getting ANY publishing…  I could get 1/3 writer’s share of the royalties (but we ALL know where the REAL money is made, don’t we?) – by the way, I have to WRITE the verses (according to his ideas, of course), and sing them…  I basically just sat there in disbelief, listening to him…  (You want me to do WHAT?!)  

Somehow, the topic of this year’s Fuse-In festival came up.  I mentioned “you guys MISSED my show.”  The representative had no clue when I even performed (no surprise), and The One replied to me “well, who do you think even GOT you to perform this year?”  Hiding my frustration, I laughed and said “yes, I knew you had something to do with that…”  (And all the other years where I didn’t have a chance at performing at ALL!)

Not only was I supposed to co-write the song, with no publishing, 1/3 or the writer’s credits and the “possibility of an AC remix in the future” – and promises of joining THEM on stage to sing this song…  I was supposed to get up and do this RIGHT NOW.  I sat there in my chair, frozen…  The One left the room, leaving me and the Representative in the room alone…  At that moment, my eyes were WIDE open.  And I began to smile…  

“What’s wrong?” he asked.  I replied, “He knows exactly what he’s doing…  And so do you…”  (Thinking to myself, “…and so do I.”)  You could tell from the air in the room; they were talking about me way before I got there.  Probably making bets on how much I would whine; knowing I would have some type of attitude.  Maybe even hoping I’d spill my guts out to the Representative, knowing all the time it would get back to The One.  (I’ve learned long ago that you can’t trust ANYONE…)  I wouldn’t even be surprised if there were hidden cameras in the room, monitoring my every move and word.  

God truly opened my eyes this day!  I discovered that these people don’t care about me.  They don’t give a f*ck about me.  Never mind the fact that I just released my OWN album…  They didn’t even KNOW about the album, it seems!  (And yes, I brought copies for The One and the Representative – I knew there’d be one…)  I couldn’t take the bad vibes anymore…  My cell phone rang just then…  It was Mel, with a message from my mother.  Thank God for small miracles, because on that note, I had a legitimate excuse for getting the f*ck out of there.  

I half-heartedly said I’d be back tomorrow, but I think I’m just gonna do them like they do me.  I’ll disappear.  I drove home listening to “Liberation (Free).”  I KNEW I wrote that song for a reason, and words have never rung truer…  For the first time in a long time, I feel free.

Before I left, I wrote a small note to The One, asking him “what does it take to get DOWN back?”  But honestly, praise God, I don’t WANT the song anymore.  Yes, I wrote it.  YES, I deserve it.  But I refuse to sell my soul for it.  I’ll have bigger records than DOWN… As of this writing, I’ve moved on from that song.  Let the dogs have it.  Take it to the grave, I don’t care.  THEY DO NOT, nor will they ever have the BEST OF ME!  When their empire falls – and it WILL fall, I will rise.  Was I being predictive when I said “from the ashes to the clouds, I emerge…?”  


Thank God for guiding me through the process of making and releasing Detrevolution.  I’m in control.  I’m releasing songs that I own.  And while some people may think this is just another album, think again.  This is SO ME…  OOOH, does “Liberation (Free)” speak directly from my SOUL!  I wrote that song for THIS moment in my life…  THIS day…  

“…even though you’ve left me on my own, I’m so far from alone…”

Hallelujah.    

AC

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Mercy, Merci

Lord have mercy… Laurent’s gonna drive himself crazy, worrying about the “Motion” 12-inch single.  Mind you, I’m excited as well.  Maybe I’ve forgotten what it was like to release my first record, but damn…  Full versions available for FREE to download on the internet?  Nobody’s gonna BUY the damn thing when it comes out!  Well, knock on wood.  They ARE good mixes, I must admit.  But it’s not about giving it ALL away on the first date, if you know what I mean…  Tease them…  Give them just a little bit…  Leave them wanting MORE…  Then when you hit them with THE GOODS, (or in this case, the MOTION) they will eat it up.  He’ll learn.  I’ll be there to show him the way…

Lewis (his husband) and I also had a lovely conversation – or so I thought…  Mind you, I’m always chatting with Laurent – we just kinda “clicked” like that.  So Lewis and I never really had much to say to each other.  But after our conversation via telephone, I’m actually kinda drawn to Lewis – and NO, it’s not what you’re thinking, bitches…  I’ve seriously gained a bit of respect for him.  But I digress…  Maybe one day we’ll speak again…  Maybe not.  Who the hell knows…

Last night I received an interesting phone call from (none other than) The One -- those who know me, know exactly who the hell I’m talking about…  While I thought he was calling about my “no longer submerged” line in my Detrevolution Intro, he actually called to ask me to sing vocals on a new song he wrote.  (Makes you wonder, eh?)  Mind you, I’d do it if the conditions were right.  Do I expect to be paid?  No…  (this IS Detroit, and you know how some n*ggas are…)  Do I expect a fair share?  You’re damn right I do.  I haven’t decided to do it just yet…  It DOES make me think. Do I NEED this opportunity to further advance my career?  Or am I doing okay by myself?  I know what my friends would say…  “Run, bitch!  Run!!!”  And considering my history with HIM and THEM…  Yes, I should run like hell.  But I’m strong – Lord knows I’m strong…  And I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today, if I didn’t have to go through that treatment.  

Wow, it just makes me look at my life now…  Damn AC, you ARE  making it!  Talk more soon…

AC

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Motion

I’m looking forward to Motion…  And I’m not talking about the upcoming Laurent et Lewis record either!  I’m talking about getting up and moving forward.  DETREVOLUTION is finally released, and I’m SO ready to move forward.  Orders are coming in (thank you!)…  www.detrevolution.com Distributors are picking up the product (thank you too), and now I’m sitting here going “now what?!”  

I DO have a couple of shows to do in Germany during November – more details about that soon.  My club night with Trench (@ Corktown Tavern, Downtown Detroit) starts November 5th – which is EXACTLY 16 years to the DAY that I officially came out of the closet…  How funny is that?

I AM working on these tunes with Johnny Dangerous as well, so what the hell am I sitting here complaining about?  Moving forward?  Shit…  I better brace myself!


You know what kills me?  Hooking up (e-mail, phone, etc) with an old friend, and promising each other “we will NOT stay out of touch for so long, ever again!”  Only to disappear for god-knows how long…  Yes, I’m having random thoughts – I’m allowed, damnit!

Well, I think it’s time for me to start surfing the net tonight…  Check up on the world…  

Night night…

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Like Crazy

Laurent left for Amsterdam this morning, after staying with me for a week.  It’s funny how inspiration works.  In one short week, Laurent and I finished an entire 12-inch single (for Laurent’s upcoming release) -- and even took it to the Mastering house…  You know what that means?  In just a few SHORT weeks, Laurent’s new single will be on vinyl…  Or let me rephrase that…  Laurent’s FIRST single will be on vinyl.  I’m extremely happy for him.  Then again, I’m ALWAYS excited about the release of a record – especially if it’s someone that I know personally.  It was actually kinda cute, seeing Laurent’s face in the Mastering house.  So innocent, like a kid in a candy store.  And Ron Murphy (NSC) is just a legend.  I look at him and I see pure history…  I’ve ALWAYS taken my records to Ron Murphy to be mastered.  Over the years, he’s educated me so much – now I know EXACTLY what it takes to get “that sound” in my music.  It wasn’t easy!  Ron used to send me home to fix a lot of mistakes that I used to make – what’s good for CD isn’t always good for vinyl…  But I won’t go there now.  I’ll just say that when I took THIS project to Ron, I was confident.  All those years of education had finally paid off…  Ron listened to my sound and all he could say was “wow…”  He was impressed…  HE – the legendary Ron Murphy was IMPRESSED.  I became the kid in the candy store…

Sunday night, Laurent and I went to AGAVE to hear some good ol’ fashioned House music.  Oh man… We walked in the door and immediately started dancing – some disco-house tune that kept chanting “MUSIIIIIC!” on top of a funky groove from heaven…  Oh WOW!  Shortly thereafter, Michelle Weeks blared through the speakers, telling us to “Be Thankful!”  Baby, I was in love all over again…  Soon afterwards, an intoxicating deep-house version of Jill Scott’s “Not Like Crazy” filled my body.  WHO said House music was dead?  Jill Scott nearly had me in tears…  The chord arrangements, the winding bass line – whoo lord…  I swear I got the spirit up in there!!!  

Damn, I wanna make music like THAT.  (According to some people, I DO make music like that!)  

Before I left, I made my way up to the DJ (to slap him for being so damn good!!!).  He asked me to stick around for “one more record…”  I admit, I knew what he was going to do.  I just didn’t know which AC tune he would play!  Honey, when “Liberation (Free)” came out of those speakers, I was just like “whoa…”  Out of all the songs on this CD, he played THAT one?  Again, I was amazed – at the same time, trying to hide my shyness/embarrassment/gratefulness…  Throughout the night (before the DJ played “Liberation”), a few people had approached me to say that my song (I had no idea which one) was “evil… sick... the bomb… off the hook!”  It’s one thing to travel around the world and get respect, but to actually get love from HOME?  That feels good…  

Now here’s something I don’t understand.  I went to visit my forum (on www.aaroncarl.com) and say “what’s up” to the people…  I noticed an entire thread of GAY jokes.  Mind you, I have a sense of humor.  I’ll even laugh at the occasional gay joke – if it’s funny, of course!  However, some dumb son of a bitch writes – and I quote…

Q:Whats the Ru Paul and Aaron Carl got in common? A:Well both are black,gay detroiters,transvestites and will die from aids...  

What the fuck?!  Why would anyone come to MY website and leave that message about me, KNOWING I’m gonna see the shit?  Personally, I KNOW who it is; the disrespectful inbred asshole of a so-called straight bigoted LOSER from – well, let’s just say I know who the bitch is…  He just don’t know ME like that…  Honey, I will bring Southwest DETROIT to his fucking doorstep.  But I digress… I’m a gentleman.  (Breathe…  one, two…  ichi ni….  Un, deux….. – alright.  I’m better now.)

Well, it’s nearly 9:30 and I still have business stuff to do…  Guess I’ll get back to work – e-mails to write, etc.  

AC

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sweetest

Hungry… Wanting to be near you.  Curious…  Dying to know what you feel like.  Trembling…  Soft brushes against my skin.  Electric…  Kissing your lips for the first time.  Fire…  The aching within the soul of my being.  Euphoria…  The smell of your masculinity.  Drowning…  Your love surrounding me.

Happy Sweetest Day – although I didn’t have a romantic day, I can still have romantic thoughts…  

Love
AC

Friday, October 14, 2005

Work in Progress

Tonight, Laurent and I started (and nearly finished) a FABULOUS remix to one of his songs.  It’s kinda funny, working with other people.  Mind you, Johnny (Dangerous) and I meshed like peanut butter and jelly.  Laurent and I are also cool, although I notice that we BOTH like “control!”  OOOH…  Two control freaks in one studio.  Thank God I’m passive-aggressive.  LOL.  But yes, the remix is wonderful.  Actually, I’m gonna head off to bed EARLY tonight – can you believe it?  Actually before 11pm, on a FRIDAY???

We’ll get back to work in the morning.  Oh yeah…  And Detrevolution is getting reviewed in some magazines – I can’t think of the name right now.  No, it’s not old age.  And no, it’s not drugs.  I just have this damn French/Detroit groove stuck in my head…  

Gotta love the biz…

Love
AC

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Celebrate

I should definitely celebrate…  Detrevolution has been ordered by folks in Germany, Japan, Denmark, Austria and France so far – as well as the states.  And it’s really only been 3 days!  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying this to brag in any way, shape or form.  I’m just so grateful that people are listening to me – and I KNOW they’ll be happy with the album.  I’ve even popped the CD into my own CD player, playing it and pretending like I was THEM, listening to it for the first time.  Yes, I know that’s corny.  I can’t help it…  I’m just so excited!

Laurent Chambon is here @ my house now, and we’re having a great time.  We’re producing songs for his upcoming single and album.  It should be very good…  More on that later.  For now, I’ve got a top 10 list to do for DEQ Magazine…  We’ll talk more soon.

Love
AC

Monday, October 10, 2005

I'm Here, and so is IT!

I know, I know…  I haven’t blogged in a while, BUT…  It’s only because I’ve been spending time with Mr. D-A-N… G-E-R…  O-U-S!!!  (Yes he is!)  We’ve been producing some hot tracks, and that’s ALL I’m gonna say about it for now – besides, “look out!!!”

So, you DO know that Detrevolution is out now, don’t ya?  You don’t?  Oh, honey…  Get on over to www.detrevolution.com and read up on it…  I won’t commercialize it here, but just know this.  I’ve been waiting FOREVER…  (So have y’all…)  And now the moment is finally here.  I’m so nervous, but hey…  It’s here.

Well, back to microphones and drum machines for me…  See y’all a little later.  And don’t forget to e-mail me…  Say hello!!!  

Mucho love…
AC

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Worth the Wait

Lord, have I been working myself to death.  But it’s all worth it!  DETREVOLUTION is officially OUT now.  I was finalizing the webpage for the site – it’s 99% finished.  Just add the music links, and voila.  Complete.  

Everyone’s been waiting so patiently, and I’m so grateful…  Trust me, it’s worth it!  Speaking of WORTH IT…  I have such a special offer, it’s gonna be so cool!  I’ve already told Denny (shhhh), but that’s only because he forced me.  (  But as soon as I wake up in the morning, I’ll finish the final touches, and debut it for the world.  Finally.

Johnny Dangerous is coming to my house tomorrow night!!!  I know we’re gonna be up nearly all night, producing and acting crazy in the studio.  YES, I look forward to it.  Well, before I turn into a damn zombie, let me get a little sleep.  I need to post on my own forum as well, but I’ll do it tomorrow – when I make THE ANNOUNCEMENT…

Love on u..
AC

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Tribute to Phallis Carl Ingram











Today, my dad would've been 56 years old. Because I will NEVER forget him, I will celebrate his special day by playing "SKY" -- the song that I wrote just for him. Happy Birthday, Daddy. I hope I've made you proud... I love you always... Aaron-Carl PS: I still miss you.

From a Soldier

I got a message from a soldier today…  Originally from Detroit, now serving in Iraq…  I had to fight back tears when I read his message!  For starters, he listened to (and felt) “Ghetto Life.”  He gave me praise for being REAL.  On his profile, I noticed that he said he wanted to actually meet me.  Color me humbled… oh man.  I’m still in shock.  He says that if he “makes it out alive,” he’ll have to get my CDs or something.  Again, I’m fighting back tears.  When I replied to his e-mail, I gave him the deepest thanks I could possibly give him.  You KNOW that I’m gonna mail him a copy of DETREVOLUTION – complete with autograph and an Aaron-Carl t-shirt.  And of course I’ll pray extra hard for his safe return home.  …And when he finally arrives back in Detroit, I’d love to shake his hand – and thank him personally for putting HIS life on the line, so that others may live.

God bless that soldier.  I will never forget his kind words…

Love
AC

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Peace in the Valley

Something tells me that life is gonna change, for the better!  I’ll be able to hold in my hands, a brand new album this week…  BMI sends me royalties this month – and I have a feeling it’s gonna be very nice!!!  Stefan and Jevon are actually behaving – it’s almost like something’s in the tap water.  I’m feeling less stressed, but more blessed.  (Or maybe it’s these new fat burners I’m taking?!)  

Johnny Dangerous (www.johnnydangerous.net) comes to my house this weekend, for a nice recording session.  I’ve been in quite the mood to create – and it certainly feels good to create for someone else!  Laurent Chambon (y’all will soon find out who the eff he is) comes to my house next week, and I already know it’s gonna be FABULOUS!  

Tori Fixx is coming to my house in November, and I’m so excited.  I’ve just been invited to Germany (Cologne and Frankfurt) for a couple of DJ gigs!  Mel’s off the couch – which I guess is a good thing.  I got so tired of watching HIM look sad and distraught.  God gave me a sense of compassion, and I’m certainly aware of it.  So is Mel…  And you know what I realized?  Damn, I’m strong.  I don’t mean, big brawny strong…  I’m talking about the strength of an African-American WOMAN…  I’m talking about the strength of a single parent…  I’m talking about the multitude of strength that it takes to rise above the ashes…  (Alright, so maybe it IS these damn fat burners…)

Well, it’s almost midnight.  I guess I should go to bed – this will be early for me.  Day #2 of these fat burners (which weren’t all that bad, mind you!) is just around the corner.  Dana better bring her ass over to my house in the morning, so we can work out together.  

I’ll leave you tonight with images of me playing in the front yard with my kids, trying to do somersaults with them, but falling flat on my ass because I haven’t done a somersault in about 15 years!!!  And yes, the neighbors across the street had a field day, laughing at me.  Or should I say laughing WITH me – because I was on the ground cracking up.

Peace…
AC

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Lil' Update

Geez…  All the weight I’ve lost, I’ve gained back.  This depression is too much.  I think I’m gonna make a doctor’s appointment and have him do something about it.  In the meantime, Mel is sleeping on the fucking couch.  At least that’s a start.  For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, please listen to Betty Wright’s “After the Pain.”  You’ll know exactly what I’m feeling, and why I just can’t seem to let this stupid muthafucker go…  Seriously, listen to it.  

Detrevolution is also delayed – but at least it’s only for a week…  I spoke to the pressing plant today – there was a small issue with the artwork, and I had to approve the new “proofs” before they could continue.  So now, instead of Sept. 30, I’ll have the album finished on Oct. 7th.  Personally, I’m okay with it – I’m just SO DAMN TIRED of things being out of my control.  And then to announce it on my site – how the hell am I gonna tell my fans?  Oh well, I guess they’ll understand.  One more week won’t kill me, or them.  And trust me.  The CD is well worth it.  

Well, I guess I’ll be going to bed early tonight – which means, before midnight.  Tomorrow morning, I’m starting my workout schedule again.  Dana’s coming over to work out with me, and I swear that if she doesn’t bring her ass here, I’m gonna dismiss her.  Period.  

OMG… I guess that “straight people” aren’t the only crazy people in the world…  My old “friend” Marvin (whom I only know from online) and I were chatting tonight.  And without thinking, I asked him when he had a free weekend to come up from Ohio to Detroit.  When he asked me why, I answered “because I want to see you!”  I even offered to pay for the ticket.  OMG, he flipped out.  He got all weirded out because he thought I had “other” motives…  Of course, I had to explain that I meant it in a FRIENDLY way –I was only trying to spend some time with my “friends!”  Only THEN did he calm down.  “Ohhh, FRIENDS, okay!”  What a fucking slap in the face.

Oh well…  One look on the bright side:  I have 3 Hostess Blueberry Pies sitting in front of me, and I only ate ONE of them!!!  The rest I’ll either save for later days, or maybe I’ll just throw them away – or give them to the boys.  

See u soon…
AC

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Stressed but Blessed...

God, I’m just a smorgasbord of emotions today…  Just a little while ago, we had a huge thunderstorm.  Jevon and I were home alone (Stefan and Mel were out running errands).  Jevon says to me, “Daddy, God is crying.”   My first thought was to give him a big hug and tell him that God is really just “watering his garden.”  But before I could do that, Jevon ran into his bedroom, and returned to the living room and opened the front door.  He pointed his Spongebob Squarepants toy up to the sky and innocently said, “Will this make you feel better, God?”  Tell me that’s not the most precious thing ever!!!  

My album’s at the pressing plant – yay!  With each passing day, I get more excited.  Just so you know, I’m creating a web page devoted entirely to Detrevolution – just like I did with Uncloseted.  More on that later.  Musically speaking, I’ve been dying to get my hands in as many projects as I can – just to keep myself sane.  Because outside of music, my life is fuckin’ crazy…  

Case in point…  Y’all remember the ANT incident on my birthday, right?  Well, as you know, I’ve been battling with THAT demon ever since.  And I was doing quite well, I might add… Just when the memories began to slip from the front of my mind…  BAM.  I meet up with ANOTHER dude, who – yep, you guessed it…  Has been having sex with MEL…  

This particular guy (I’ll call him Choc – part of his screen name) has also been up to Mel’s job, where he was treated to a blowjob.  Mel’s been to his house as well, for the same thing.  Mind you, after ANT’s adventure, Mel ASSURED me that there was no one else besides Ant … and Adam…  Now I find out (ironically, not from Mel) that he’s been with Choc.  Repeatedly.  Again, I felt like I was kicked in the damn stomach…  But I asked Mel to come clean, yet again… And oh boy, did he!  

Let me see…  Thanks to Yahoo!, Mel’s had the pleasure of hooking up with Choc (3 times, he says), Dark Angel – some fatal-attraction shit happened there…  There was Ant..  Adam… And oh yeah.  The guy at the bookstore.  Aside from the bookstore guy (and supposedly Dark Angel), he’s been with all of these guys 3 times…  

As for the Fatal-Attraction stuff??!!  Let me tell u…  This Dark Angel bitch invited Mel over –of course Mel went.  Well, there was much more to THIS session, so I’ve heard.  Not only were they 100% naked in bed together, they were all PASSIONATELY KISSING, touching – basically making love.  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!  I can’t barely get ANYTHING AT ALL from Mel, and this Internet bitch gets to passionately kiss and love my man?  Baby, Detroit is a BIG city, but a SMALL world…  I’ll cross paths with that bitch someday, and when I do?  OOOH, it will not be pretty.  

Before I continue, I forgot to tell you about Choc.  I actually KNOW Choc from back in the day.  He tried to hit on ME, back when I was a DJ @ Silent Legacy in 1996-97.  He also slept with my man at the time, Eric – God rest his soul.  (and SAVE mine!)  Choc didn’t even know that Mel HAD a man.  Mel kept his game air-tight.  Fucking bastard.  Had ME believing that he was faithful, with NO secrets.  Meanwhile, this bitch is sucking every available dick in Detroit.  Again, I am sickened.  But anyway…  Back to Fatal Attraction…  

Fatal Attraction fell “in love” with Mel; sending him all sorts of “offline” messages like “I wanna be with YOU,” “Please come and see me again sometime,” “I want a relationship.”  From what Mel says, he “cut him off.”  Who knows if I believe that or not…  

I feel like I should have a big sign posted on Mel’s forehead, that says “ATTENTION:  If you encounter the Yahoo! Screen name “dwnriverman,” please know that that’s AC’s MAN you’re being sucked off by!”

I’ll tell you what.  I’ve lost all trust in Mel.  I’ve lost all faith.  I’ve lost all respect.  What I thought was love, was a lie…  Last night, I told this to my best friend Robbie, who said:  “Outside of this, Mel’s a good man, and you know it!”  To which, I replied:  “No, bitch.  Mel’s a good LIAR!  He had me BELIEVING he was a good man…”  Robbie was speechless, but he agreed.  

After arguing, fussing, fighting, cussing…  I’ve asked Mel to leave.

Legally, Mel has 30 days to get the hell out of this house.  I wish he’d go back to California, so I can at least go OUT in Detroit, without hearing another story of someone else sleeping with Mel.  He begged me to “think it over…”  He begged me to “have some hope…”  Hope for what?!  He’s NEVER gonna change – once a dog, always a dog.  He may “change” for a minute – until he gets comfortable again, them BAM!  The shit’s gonna start all over again.  

But here’s a question for myself…  You see, I’ve gotten used to my lifestyle now.  I’ve spent the past 4 years of my life with this man.  FOUR YEARS.  To me, that’s a long time – especially in GAY relationships.  You know gay folks can’t stay together long enough for the ink to dry on the marriage papers…  But anyway…  My question…  Do I STAY with him?  If I stay with him, I’ve truly gotta be 100% okay with the fact that MEL IS A DOG…  I’ve got to be prepared for that.  I can’t walk around feeling hateful all the time…  (I’m feeling Hateful…  because u pissed me off…)  

Or should I just cut my losses, pray for strength and move on without him?  I’m scared.  I admit it.  I’m scared to death.  I love the partnership that we have.  Jevon was ONE YEAR OLD when Mel entered my life.  We’re all Jevon knows!  Stefan (who already has attachment issues) doesn’t deserve another trauma in his life – I PROMISED him that I wouldn’t cause that kind of trauma for him, EVER!  

I’m NOT afraid of the money…  Yes, the money is nice – and since Mel’s not in the music business, his checks are a bit more stable than MINE.  True, I make my money.  But I’d definitely have to either sell TONS MORE records, or go out and get a 9-5 to maintain…  Hell.  I’m a man.  I’m able-bodied.  I can do this.  (Oh no not I…  I will survive!)   What should I do?

I don’t even know if I love Mel anymore…  That’s how I feel.  I love “something…”  I guess I just need some time and space to figure things out.  In the meantime, I’m here.  HE’S here – gottdamn him.  He says he feels remorse – sorry ass muthafucker, of course you do…  You got CAUGHT!  AGAIN!!!!!  But I digress…And go to bed, a fucking MESS…

I’m stressed, but blessed…
Love
AC

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Definition of Love...


My definition of love was 6ft1... broad shoulders,
dark tan, and a nice, big, BIG... …bank account.

Ooh, how I prayed for the day he would enter my life and stay...
Hello, was all he had to say. In his arms I would lay…
Struck by his venom, I danced to his rhythm.
From nightfall until sunrise,
Earthquakes in my thighs,
And like the morning sun, my man would rise…
And he would smile... Damn, he was fine.
As he stared into my eyes, and whispered 2 me...
"We’ve got 2 do this again sometime”...
But before I could speak my mind, he said...
“Hit me up, next time you see me online..."

?!?!?!

And with that, he turned 2 leave
Taking with him, my self esteem...
But in the midst of my tears, something divine
showed me what I desperately needed to find.

What I thought was love was a lie...
The REAL definition of love is inside...


Taken from “Definition of Love,” by Aaron-Carl
Available on the album, DETREVOLUTION.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Grateful...

Today, I’m feeling blessed.  My Toulousian friend JIM is celebrating HIS birthday today!  As you know, he sent me a wonderful package of goodies (or 2 or 3 or 5….) for my birthday.  I promised him I’d surprise him, and I most certainly did.  I woke up this morning, wrote and recorded a special birthday song for him!  And NO, it wasn’t that cheesy, common-day “Happy Birthday 2 You” song…  It’s SILLIER!  It invokes the special memories that Jim and I (and Pascal and Emilie) shared while they were here visiting Detroit for the Fuse-In Festival.  They stayed for nearly 2 weeks – and as you may or may not know, they spent MOST of that time with ME!  

But nonetheless, I’m really feeling happy today.  Timmariah and I stayed up until the WEE hours of the night, just talking on the phone about “everything!”  First off, I can’t believe I would stay on the phone for THAT long, talking to ANYBODY I wasn’t sleeping with…  (Well, besides Julian – but that’s a different story…)  I don’t know what it was, last night!  I just “let down my guard,” and let myself ENJOY my conversation with Tim.  Why exactly do I call him Mariah?!  It’s the braids, first of all…  Honey, he’ll get to talking, and he would flip those braids!  So diva-like.  Not to mention an ego the size of Texas!  Oh yeah…  And he keeps trying to hit those high-ass notes when he sings, against my wishes, of course!  Some men can hit those notes and sound good…  Others are like WHOA!  Don’t go there!!!  Tim’s one of those “whoa, don’t go there” folks.  But we get along.  And one day, “Mariah” just slipped out…  And I thought about it…  Hmmm…  That’s his new pet name!  So in a friendly manner (of course), I introduce him to everyone I know as “Mariah Carey.”  Tim cracks up laughing.  What a sense of humor – even for a straight guy.  

So Timmariah is playing saxophone on my CD.  We did a fabulous song together, which I think rounds out my album perfectly!  But I’ll save that info until AFTER the CD hits.  

Right now, I think I’ll take a nap – considering that I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep (Thanks TM!  But it was fun!)…  Again, I’m feeling real blessed right now.  I hope you’re all having a great day as well.  

Love on u…
AC

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Aftermath...

Alright…  I feel better today.  While I STILL stand firmly behind my comments from last night, I can’t let this drama bother me too much…  

Today I did something I never thought I would do – after my P2P leak…  I sent Steefaan (my biggest fan in the whole world) a copy of the complete DETREVOLUTION album.  He nearly fainted!!!  His reaction was priceless!!!  Needless to say, I was quite excited myself…  Of course, you understand, that if I see this version spread anywhere on the Internet, I’m gonna hop on a plane, fly to Rouen, France, and kick his…  (Guitar riff!)

Speaking of fans…  Where in the hell is GUS GUS?  My Icelandic friends are probably way too busy to write, but I miss them.  They have an album coming out as well, called “D’Generation” – unless they changed the title.  We did a song together for this album as well, but I haven’t heard anything about it since.  Rumor has it that it’s on the CD…  But until it’s finalized, one never knows…  Nonetheless, I miss them a lot.

I’ll write more later…  Timmariah (That’s Tim / Mariah – I’ll explain later) is online…

AC

Off My Chest...

Lord, have mercy… You ever have one of those days where EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong?! That’s me, LATELY… the kids are working my last damn nerve… While the house is quiet during school hours (thank God), I’ve actually been working like crazy to finish this album – which YAY, it’s finished!

I know I say this all the time, but I can’t wait for DETREVOLUTION to hit the stores… When people can actually go out and buy the CD… When they can HEAR the blood sweat and tears… I look forward to that. But of course, whatever CAN go wrong, DOES go wrong… I’ll save that for another day, and I’ll just knock on wood for now. Hell… If I have to release it online first, that fucking album WILL be heard!

My friends – excuse me… My supposed friends are all working my gottdamn nerves today… Kelli and I had a fabulous lunch today, in honor of her birthday. We ate so much shrimp at Red Lobster, I had to come home and take a NAP… Today, all I really ate was fish and fruit – you can guess what happened…

Of course, there’s the never-ending battle of the bulge – and no, NOT the good bulge. You know, I’m just sick of it. I wanna get up in the morning and just turn into a gym bunny. I wanna exercise ALL DAY. Maybe I’ll release some frustration… Maybe these pounds will fall off like – well, like POUNDS.

I need a damn hug… I need a REAL LIVE, BONA FIDE HUG… And a little more cash wouldn’t hurt matters either.

Alright, now that the “general bitchfest” is done… I can continue about my day. My best friend Robbie told me something that I swear I’ll NEVER understand… This fool bought his EX-boyfriend a CAR. Why? Because the sorry nigga couldn’t buy it his DAMN self… (and yes, I can say it – I’m exempt. LOL) Apparently the EX’s credit was so bad, he couldn’t finance a car. So he asks his live-in lover – some old tired mess, who says no… Who does the EX turn to? “Mr I’Can’t Say No, Even Though I’m Sloppy Seconds, Last On Your List, and by the way, You Fucked Me Over” Robbie! Now, I LOVE Robbie to death. But come on, now… There are just some things even I can’t imagine… If JAY (my ex) asked me to buy ANYTHING for him, I’d curse his ass out. AFTER I laugh in his face… AFTER I get over the shock that he’d even had the NERVE to ask ME, of all people!

Oh well… what can u do? Life goes on…

I also spoke to a distributor “associate” about the politics of the record industry… I’m still having trouble accepting the fact that he’s YET to buy a single one of MY records from Wallshaker. But like most people, he talks shit… Until it’s time for action, and then POOF… gone. During our conversation, he says to me, “I’ll take 50 of your upcoming CD…” 50 copies. Ok. Now mind you, 50 copies is 50 copies. I’ll sell it to whoever’s buying, u hear me? But the fucking POLITICS?! I can’t understand…

Mind you, I know some people reading this are going “Hey… Aaron’s just telling ALL his business!” They think it’s not proper etiquette to get online and air out all your dirty laundry. You know what? Fuck you. YES, I’m supposed to be this “star…” And when I’m onstage or in the studio, yes, the fuck I AM a star… But when the show is over, there’s a PERSON standing here… And this PERSON is tired of being used, abused, taken advantage of, taken for GRANTED, cheated on, fucked over, lied to, lied ABOUT… I’m sick of it. Fuck etiquette. I’m pissed the fuck OFF.

Hold up, wait a minute…

I’m not about to have one of those Mariah Carey breakdowns… I’m sure that tomorrow, I’ll feel better. I’ll be able to deal with all this craziness around me. Maybe I’ll hear a friendly voice from a REAL friend tomorrow – whomever that may be… HAHA.. The life of a star, right? I have tons of fans… So few friends. And even from those FEW, I’m like “what’s going on?”

I promised myself I’d be in bed a few hours ago… I TOLD myself I wouldn’t torture my body like this; staying up half the night, KNOWING I’ve got so much to do during the day… Oh well… We’ll try again tomorrow.

Nite nite…

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Tidal Wave

All of a sudden, I feel old.  I feel tired.  I feel week.  I feel black.  I feel gay.  I feel wrong…  I feel abandoned.  I feel unloved…  untouchable…  unwanted… undesirable…  And it all came at once, out of nowhere…

Music Friend

I have a friend who is trying so hard to break into the music industry, it’s unreal.  When I first met him, he mailed me a collection of songs – an album, if you will.  From the first beat to the last, I fell in love.  The sound was so raw, so full of emotion.  And while the vocals weren’t exactly the 100% polished pop bullshit, I appreciated the effort.  I felt the music.  I “got the point,” if you will…  

This friend tried to get a record deal through a French record label, which I guess I won’t name – you know how sensitive bitches can get…  According to the story, the Label folded; leaving my artist friend out in the cold.  Instead of keeping his head up, my artist friend seemed to take things personally.  I guess I would’ve too…  But anyway, my friend works tirelessly on these songs – these SAME songs!  Re-working, remixing (I’ve done a couple myself), anything he can do to “get a break.”  Of course the more he tries, the more frustrated he becomes – because the industry is COLD, honey!!!  

I wish he had the cash to release his own record.  Hell, I wish I had the cash to release it FOR him…  

Why am I writing this?  Because this morning, after days of “fearing” this new version of his song he emailed me, I finally listened to it.  And as soon as the song came on, I was like WTF?!  What happened to the ORIGINAL?  The soul is GONE…  And I KNOW why he re-did this song… because he feels that somebody will NOW notice him.  He feels that his ORIGINAL vibe wasn’t good enough…  And that’s just not TRUE!  

I believe in my friend, and I sent him an email letting him know this.  He’ll probably say something to me like “bitch, YOU release it!”  But as I said before, if I could, I would.  Hell, I’m having enough of a time releasing my OWN stuff – and I’m ESTABLISHED!  

I’ll have to write more later – I stayed up half the night, conversing with another music “friend.”  Although HE pissed me off to no end, and I’m seriously re-considering my decision to work with him – I’ll save that for another blog.  In the meantime, I need some shuteye.  

AC

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Angel on my Shoulder

I was eating dinner today, and an overwhelming feeling came over me.  There are people in this country, affected BADLY by this hurricane.  No food, no place to go, no nothing.  And my heart got heavy.  Very heavy…  Mind you, I have family all throughout Louisiana.  I’m sure that some of my relatives are among the people who are suffering.  One question burned in my mind:  what can I do about it?  How can I help?  I didn’t want to send money to the Red Cross, because I felt like that wouldn’t be enough.  It just didn’t seem like the humane thing to do, you know?  I can’t just “throw them some money and look the other way…”  No, this shit is too serious!  So I’ve decided to “adopt a family.”  I figured this much:  Whatever I have, it’s a lot more than THEY have right now.  Just the thought of even sitting there, amongst dead bodies, no bathrooms, no water, no food, no anything…  I can’t sleep at night, knowing that I’m here, safe and dry, while THEY’RE out there suffering.  While it’s not possible for me to drive down to New Orleans (or any other affected area) and say “hey, you wanna come to Detroit?!”  I did the next best thing.  

There’s a website (hosted by an organization called MoveOn) called www.hurricanehousing.org, where you can connect your empty beds with hurricane victims who desperately need a place to wait out the storm.  I’m urging everyone who has the means, please visit this site.  

You can post your offer of housing (a spare room, extra bed, even a decent couch) on http://www.hurricanehousing.org or search there for housing if you need it.
MoveOn will pass requests from hurricane victims or relief agencies on to volunteer hosts, who can decide whether or not to respond to a particular request. The host remains anonymous until they reply to someone looking for housing.
I just posted my own offer. I hope you will too, or pass this on to people you know in the Southeast:
http://www.hurricanehousing.org

Housing is most urgently needed within reasonable driving distance (about 300 miles) of the affected areas, especially New Orleans. But even if you don’t live in that region, don’t let that stop you.  You can definitely make a difference.

Peace, love and many blessings…
AC

Silver Lining

OMG…  Last night’s gig @ The Hub was awesome.  Kelli Hand showed up, and I was SO happy to see her there.  BJ from Aux 88 was there – I’ve gotta get together with him and do a track, I swear!  My mother and her “friend” John were also in attendance, looking like members of my fan club – wearing their Aaron-Carl T-shirts. (I also wore mine…)  Speaking of T-shirts; although I had them made in time for the Fuse-In Detroit Music Festival, I didn’t plan to sell them until DETREVOLUTION comes out.

Speaking of Detrevolution, you KNOW I had to drop some of the tunes from the album – no announcement, no nothing.  I just played them.  And oh man, did they go over VERY WELL…  It was such a thrill to hear “Satisfy U” blaring through the speakers – and when Kelli rushed to the DJ booth; I knew she was feeling it too.  Those who know me KNOW that I rarely (if ever) play my own tracks during my DJ sets.  But this time, I had to work it.  Another track from the album (which I won’t name) went over even better!  Kelli had me cracking up… she said “THIS is YOU?”    

Shortly after my set, I left.  Mommy and John were starting to argue, and I would certainly be embarrassed if I was caught in the middle.  Apparently, John was frustrated that my mother (who loved the “star” attention) kept drinking White Zinfandels and was quickly getting drunk.  Mommy got frustrated because John kept “watching” her and complaining.  She also accused him of cheating, every time he got up to leave – for nearly 10 minutes at a time…  

But nonetheless, my night was still good.  I got home at around 2 a.m., and didn’t go to bed until 4.  (Don’t ask – hahaha!)  I woke up at 10 this morning, with the phone ringing – funny how LOUD the phone seems, when you’re sleeping!  I cut my conversation short, thinking I could get some sleep… Until Mel knocks on the bedroom door, with a package from Toulouse, France – for ME!!!  JIM had already sent me some records on two different occasions – both birthday presents.  He told me another package was coming, but he didn’t say when, so this was a total surprise!  He sent me a box full of French snacks – little chocolate cookies and crackers…  A nice giant jar of Nutella (which wasn’t available here before, but it is now)…  A big red sweatshirt with the Toulouse logo on it…  The most fascinating Birthday card that I’ve ever received in my life – you open it, and there are 3 flashing candles – when you blow (literally) on the candles, the song “Happy Birthday to You” plays…  WOW, that Jim is amazing.  He’s said to me before that he wanted me to feel special.  This is proof.  God bless Jim.  Just wait until HIS birthday…  I’m gonna surprise him like no other!

Today is gonna be a wonderful day…
AC

Friday, September 02, 2005

Friendly Phone Call

(phone rings)

AC:  Hello?

DF:  Hi baby, I love you….

AC:  Oh, what’s up?

DF:  Nothing’s up… Dang!  Can’t I call you just to say hi?

AC:  Sure u can…  Now, what’s up?

DF:  Nothing…  How are you today?

AC: I’m fine…  Now, what’s up?

(A brief pause…)

DF:  Alright, alright…  I DO want something.

(AC thinks to himself:  mmmHMM…)

DF:  Can you watch my kid for me?


Damn, I should’ve never answered my phone…  Oh well…  Gotta love my friends.  (lol…  “friends.”)  I’ve gotta practice DJing for my gig tonight.  I’m playing alongside Eddie Flashin’ Fowlkes tonight.    I’m nervous as hell.  Excited and honored, of course…  Then again, I ALWAYS get nervous playing at home (Detroit).  How funny is that?  I can travel the world, and be fine…  I play at home, and I’m worried sick.    Wish me luck.

AC

Thursday, September 01, 2005

P2P Leaked!

Alright now…  I’m no prude, BUT…  I’ve just discovered some new Aaron-Carl songs circulating around on a P2P network…  Songs that are on the upcoming DETREVOLUTION album…  In fact, these particular songs were tracks that I’d given to a few trusted “friends.”  What can I say?  I’m shocked as hell…  

Now let’s be real.  We’re no stranger to the ol’ P2P network.  I’m not against it by any means.  In fact, when I discovered my tracks online, I was flattered.  Usually, I’d find the biggest hits, like MY HOUSE or DANCE NAKED, or DOWN…  (I could care less if Down was posted all over the net, but that’s a different story altogether…)    But tracks from my new album, that aren’t even released yet?  Songs that have NEVER been heard by the public?  That hurt my feelings…  

Damn…  Can’t u give the people a chance to BUY the album first?!  That’s my only gripe.  Besides the fact that I sent these tracks in the strictest confidence, trusting that the people would keep it to THEMSELVES…

But things happen for a reason.  I’ve changed my Intro for the album, so the version that’s circulating throughout the net is NOT the same intro that’s on the CD…  The other song that I discovered – well, that song’s the bomb.  LOL…  Sorry y’all, but I’m proud as hell of that one…  

I only ask that you wait for the actual CD to be released…  And if you can’t wait, then fine.  Download the tracks.  Enjoy them…  And when the CD comes out, buy it anyway.  Support the artists – especially when they’re working their asses off…

Love
AC    

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Back 2 Blogging...

So it’s been a few days since my last blog…  Time to quickly get y’all up to date.  For starters, I’ve totally redone Detrevolution, from start to finish.  Fear, Divine Intervention, call it what you will…  I have totally redone my new album.  Why, you ask?  Because I wanted to make VERY SURE that I did not release another Uncloseted.  Mind you, Uncloseted is a great album.  It served its purpose.  But I just couldn’t come out to the world with the SAME shit to say!  With Detrevolution, I’ve done a LOT of soul searching…  I’ve played certain songs to my friends, some even to the public.  And for those who are afraid they’re not gonna hear anything NEW on this CD, you’re wrong, honey…  Think again.  This shit is FIRE.  But I’ll let y’all see for yourselves…  

Of course you know, Hateful, Ghetto Life, My Stranger and 21 Positions are on the CD.  BUT…  Each song (along with all the others) have been tweaked, mixed, REBORN – now I’m proud.  The album goes to the pressing plant next week – I’m so nervous!  This is where all the promotion kicks in… It’s time…  

Outside of producing music, I’ve still been dealing with my share of drama.  Since I’ve calmed down after my birthday incident, things seem to have gotten better.  In fact, they’re almost back to “normal.”  (A fatal mistake, since that’s the reason I even had to go thru this bullshit?)  My eyes are open, so pray for me.  I’m taking that road again…

The boys are FINALLY registered for school, thank God!!!  They start school Sept. 7, which means that in ONE MORE WEEK, Daddy will have DADDY time!!!  Yes, lord!  Regular schedule, here I come.  I’ll be able to start a nice workout schedule again, cuz you know I’ve been slacking…  Staying up all night, sleeping half the day…  It’ll age you very quickly!  

Question… for Detrevolution, should I use DIGIPAKS, or JEWEL CASES?!  Ah, the dilemma…  

Tori Fixx, a friend of mine from Minneapolis, has a CD (series) called Black Out.  Although I only have CD#1 of 3 (damnit!), I’ve recently started bumping it again.  The song BLACKOUT is the fucking shizzle!  For real, it’s on fire.  Although he jacked every beat possible, I LOVE it.  But the part that gets me the most is the sample he uses during the verses, and at the end…  “whoaoooooh….   Oohhhhhhh… Talk 2 me….”  WHO THE FUCK IS THAT???  WHAT RECORD IS THAT???  I want that bitch!!  Somebody needs to hunt Tori’s ass down and tell him to write a ho!  Doesn’t he know I recently had a birthday???

All music aside, I just recently learned that my great-Uncle Leroy is in the hospital.  Kidney failure (or liver, I can’t remember).  But he’s expected to have a LONG recovery, and right now he’s not doing so good.  How ironic that he was JUST at my house, leading us in prayer before we ate dinner!  I’m going to say a big prayer for Uncle Leroy, and look forward to his recovery.  Tomorrow, I’ll head up to the hospital with Mommy (yes I still call her Mommy…) to see him.  Hopefully he’s conscious.  I want him to know how much I appreciated him coming out to my house to celebrate my birthday with me…  And I appreciated the card that he gave me (complete with $30 – they didn’t realize I was actually 32, so they insisted that I take 2 extra dollars, hahaha!!!).  Granted, Uncle Leroy is 83 years old.  But still, I want to be there for him.  After all, family is family.

Alright, y’all…  Time for bed.  I’ve been sleeping in Jevon’s room for the past 2 nights.  He’s so funny…  He asked me if I would come to his “house” and stay the night.  And I feel so honored – my 5 year-old son just wants to be near his daddy.  And when we sleep, he lays right up next to me, just like he did when he was a baby.  You can tell that my presence means so much to him.  He even told me tonight, “Daddy, you can SAVE your work and finish it tomorrow…  Won’t you turn your computer OFF and come upstairs with me?”  You know, I became a daddy for THIS REASON…  My son adores his father, the same way I adored mine.  This special bond is one that can never be broken.  I pray that I live long enough to see him grow up and have his OWN children, so he can raise them with the same love that I gave HIM.  On that note, I’m off to bed.  I’ll stop over at Jevon’s “place,” just to make sure he knows that Daddy’s here.  And he can smile…  And ask me to stay with him.  

Love on y’all…
AC

Friday, August 26, 2005

Lost...

Today I think I lost a friend…  You know, the one friend whom I asked the “god-awful question…”  Today, I received a message in my MySpace account from him.  “I wish you well…  Good luck to you…  Peace.”  If that’s not the coldest goodbye I’ve ever heard!  Immediately, I wrote him back.  “You sound like you’re saying goodbye…  Don’t you DARE say goodbye…”  Then I noticed on HIS MySpace account, that all references to Aaron-Carl are gone.  He had a nice little message that wished me a Happy Birthday.  Gone.  

You know, that makes me wonder…  Was today just a bad day for him?  I didn’t say anything offensive – except the term of endearment, “Hetero Pussy.”  Perhaps he got offended?  I fail to see the logic. It’s just like someone calling me a “Drama Queen” or something like that.  Friends can joke with each other about that.  Maybe he wasn’t a friend, after all…  Well, if it makes his ego feel better, I’ll even apologize about it.  

It’s just another painful reminder that I’m part of a very rare breed.  No, I’m not talking about “gay.”  But I do feel that my being gay has something to do with it.  Lord knows I’ve had to fight for EVERYTHING that I’ve ever had in this world.  In fact, I’m still fighting just to SURVIVE in this world.  My blog comes from my heart, and if I don’t feel like censoring what the fuck I say, SO BE IT.  Love me for ME, faults and all.

AC

AAAAARGH!!!

Ok…  So I went to my mother’s house today.  I needed to tell HER what’s been going on, and I prayed that she had some good advice for me.  Wouldn’t you know, she’s going through the same damn thing with HER man!  He apparently can’t keep his penis in HIS pants either…  What’s up with the damn world?  We’re just “freeing Willy” all over the place.  Lord…  

Earlier today, Stefan approached me… He asked, “Daddy, are you and Mel breaking up?”   You know, until now, I never realized how badly the kids would be affected by us breaking up.  Stefan immediately burst into tears – and all I could do was hold him…  

As I said before, I’m just taking it day by day.  I’ve gotten a few words of encouragement (Thanks Saturn!) from people who basically assured me that I’m NOT crazy.  I’m NOT being a drama queen.  This is a valid problem, a valid hurt.  And I have the RIGHT to feel the way I feel.  That alone, means something.  

Now mind you, I’m not one for wearing the “perpetual victim” badge either.  So I’m forcing myself to move the fuck on…  “Keep pushing on, things are gonna get better…  it won’t take long…  keep on pushing 2 the top…”  (Girl, I’m pushing!)

Random thought:  Today I fried some chicken – hot wings…  And damn, they were so good.  It’s almost 1 a.m., and I’m craving them right now!  But no…  I won’t get up and make me any.  Especially after what I just stuffed in my mouth – oh, keep your mind outta the gutter!!!  You know I’m on my fiber kick now, right?  Mel bought me a box of Nature Valley Healthy Heart Chewy Granola Bars.  Oatmeal Raisin… MMMM!!!  Mind you, there are 5 in a box.  I’ll be damned.  I ate the ENTIRE BOX.  I swear, by the time I’m finished, I’ll have the cleanest colon in Detroit, MI.  Plus the fiber shake I’m having tonight before bed?  Oh, you KNOW where I’ll be in the morning!!!

Damn, I’m so gullible…  Dana IMed me a little while ago…  I hate when she starts with this “how’s my hubby” bullshit, because I KNOW what’s coming next.  It’s usually, “can you watch my kid?”  Wasn’t I just saying that I’d appreciate a friendly voice, MINUS the gottdamn babysitting?!  Shit.  As if I don’t have a fucking life of my own…  KNOWING the trap I’m about to fall into, I answer her IM…  She proceeds to tell me about her upcoming trip to Chicago, so she can see her “man.”  So long story short, this bitch is out there getting fucked, and I’m stuck here, watching her kid.  There’s just something not quite right about that…  I could’ve easily said NO, but what the hell…  I’m nice.  Too damn nice.  

But know this:  I would have a much GREATER amount of respect for people, if they just get to the fucking point.  Don’t call me, talking all this idle chit-chat; knowing DAMN WELL you have a hidden agenda.  What…  Do you wanna borrow some money?  Don’t ask me how my fucking kids are doing…  Just ask for the MONEY!  Want me to watch your kid?  Don’t butter me up, telling me how talented I am, etc…  Just tell me you need a babysitter.  Trust me.  I’ll respect you a lot better…  MAN, people are stupid!

My straight friend (aka Hetero Pussy) logged onto AIM just a few minutes ago…  He saw me online, and quickly logged back off – before I could even say hello.  I hate when that happens…  

I also talked to JAY recently – you remember my ex-boyfriend, who is on the brink of surgery?  It’s so weird.  He seems to be doing okay.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  I’m HAPPY for him!  It’s just weird how one minute he’s saying his last goodbyes, and the next minute, he’s complaining about finding a new job.  

Well, it’s 1 a.m. now.  I guess I better go wake up Jevon and take him to the bathroom, before he wets his bed.  Ahh, the joys of parenthood.  

PS:  I just had a thought…  What if I died tonight?  I know, kinda twisted…  But you know, we’re not promised tomorrow.  I wonder who’d miss me.  Just a reminder that if you love someone, SHOW THEM, while you’re here!  LET THEM KNOW they’re appreciated.  And please, don’t take them for granted.

Much love…
AC