That Feeling...

As Chante’ Moore sings in the background, “who’s gonna love me…  Will you?”  I feel her words.  That’s the question I seem to have been asking all my life…  Mel left today.  And I’m not talking about storming out in an argument…  I mean, he literally packed up his shit and LEFT.  No more riding the fence.  No more wondering “should I leave him and move on?”  He’s gone.  I’m free.  100%, bona fide, FREE…

… and I don’t know how I feel about that.  

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not talking about MEL at all!  I know for a fact that he doesn’t deserve me.  And Lord knows that I deserve someone who will love me THE WAY I NEED TO BE LOVED…  Now, where the fuck IS he?

I’m so afraid to start over.  Well, I take that back.  I’m not AFRAID…  I’m TIRED of starting over – but given yesterday’s “scare,” I guess I’m glad I’m still alive to be ABLE to start over!  LOL…  

I LOVE being in love…  I LOVE being held in someone’s arms.  I LOVE being kissed…  I LOVE “that feeling…”  Y’all know what I mean.  THAT feeling…  The feeling you get when he looks at you that certain way…  That INNER GLOW.  Mel and I lost that a LONG LONG LONG time ago, which is why I’m not really mourning that loss.  I’m just accepting the reality that he IS now truly gone…  And while I’m not expecting someone else to just come in and take his place, I admit…  I want a boyfriend.  I want all the benefits of having a boyfriend…  I want that special someone, to make ME feel special too.  

Fuck it…  I’m just gonna put it out there.  Special one, wherever you are, I’m HERE…  

Good night y’all…  I’m hungry and tired, but I just had to get this off my chest…

LOVE
AC