feelings...

I've made some wonderful remixes lately... A song called "Individual" by Yolanda Johnson -- it's the theme song to a BET late-night special program I can't remember the name to... But I didn't know this until AFTER I remixed the song. They LOVE the mix, and plan to use it. THAT made me feel very good. Now I've been invited to remix a song called "If We Were Alone" by an R&B singer named Keite Young. God has blessed me with this talent, so I'm thankful that I'm able to USE it. And I'm even more thankful that my works are appreciated, and all this hard work is paying off...

I haven't started on MY album yet, because I've been so busy producing for other people. I admit, it's been a lot of fun. I've been building my label roster up, and I just signed an exclusive digital distribution deal with Groovesource -- a licensing house based in Chicago. Careerwise, I'm doing GREAT. Thank God for that! Otherwise, I'd be totally crazy.

Wallshaker is having another party next week -- and I'm nervous as all hell... Well, maybe nervous isn't the best word. ANXIOUS is more like it. It started out as a Wallshaker showcase party, which quickly grew into something phenomenal. Thanks to Cratesavers, a simple Wallshaker showcase party turned into "Emerge: A Detroit House/Techno Alliance." And YES, I'm calling it EMERGE for a reason - guess why... LOL! But I'm doing this party up BIG.. A vip area with catered food, merchandise, 3 live performances throughout the night -- yes, it's gonna be huge. And the people here in Detroit can't wait to attend!

I invited one of my fans to come down -- little does he know he's going to be my date for the evening. LOL... Many of you might take this for granted, but believe me... There's NOTHING better than a kiss. Nothing better than a reassuring sensual confirmation that YES, you are someone special; you ARE someone worthy... I miss dating... I miss that feeling of "oooh, I can't WAIT to get closer to him!"

Then I glance over in the mirror and watch myself type. Today isn't such a good day... I don't feel so attractive. I need a damn haircut, and I swear I'm calling "Jenny Craig" or "Richard Simmons" or some damn body for a weight loss solution... I've been "big" for a few years now -- but not THAT damn long... I'm still not used to it. But I know that this is how everyone else sees me... The folks who know me NOW, didn't know the "skinny" Boogie... They didn't know the ME who was a lot more confident.

Am I saying that thin is beautiful??? Well, maybe I am. But I'm not stupid enough to say that BIG folks aren't worthy of love... In fact, when I WAS that little skinny bitch, I LOVED big folks. I still do But it's not easy to ignore all the magazines and movies, where everyone is "beautiful" and buff, toned, fit and ultimately happy. Mind you, I've NEVER had a problem with my face -- i LOVE my face... My mother and father were both two attractive individuals, and I'm SO glad that I have the "looks" that I have. Even my asymmetrical eyes... I LOVE them. Denzel Washington also has asymmetrical eyes, and he's a damn sex symbol.

But i digress... It hurts me to starve myself. And instead of bitching about it, I guess I just need to get some damn discipline and do something about my weight. But it's HARD, y'all... It's HARD!!! It's not as easy as they make it look on TV. It's a lot of WORK WORK WORK... and more HARD WORK. I just wish I had a damn jump-start.

Again, digressing... it's after 2 a.m.. I'm dog-tired. And although I'd rather be in the arms of someone who wants to hold me, I'm gonna lay down next to my "old man..." And I'll try not to bitch about it in the morning...

Nite nite, y'all...
AC