...So I just received a threatening telephone call from Todd, who says"You better watch your back," in regards to my recent blog. Mind you, he didn't say it directly to me. He said to Mel, who answered the phone. When Mel relayed the message to me, my FIRST reaction was to call him back and curse... But like an adult, I didn't. I kept my cool. Not 5 minutes later, I get a phone call from Erick (E. Dubb). Todd also called and left a message on his (father's) cell phone... "I don't know who to call, but I'm a bit worried about Erick -- he's smoking crack or whatever!" Erick was devastated when he called me... I had to remind Erick of some things, and it is for THIS reason I'm writing this blog... Because THIS is a testament. God is good all the time, let me first say... I repeat. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. And it is BECAUSE of GOD that I am able to understand and acknowledge this situation for what it is...
I deleted the last part of my blog (in which I described the demise of Todd's and my friendship). I didn't delete it because of Todd's threatening phone call. I am in NO WAY, SHAPE or FORM afraid of him. My blog was in no way malicious or slanderous. I spoke the truth -- and not just from MY side of the story... I stepped outside of myself and spoke the ACTUAL truth. Everybody knows there's two sides to every story. I pride myself in not being dumb enough to tell a one-sided story. Our friendship ended over something stupid, yes... But we were BOTH at fault. I acted pretty childish at times during our friendship. So did he. And unfortunately, that childishness ended what I thought was an unbreakable bond.
But I said it earlier, and I'm saying it now. I'm not going out of my way to be his enemy. I don't tarnish his name in the streets. When he left Wallshaker, he left. Okay... I've moved on. So to get a phone call like the one I received this afternoon, it only tells me that TODD is the one with the problem.
I just spoke to Erick on the phone. I reminded him of just how proud I am of him. He HAS come a long way since we met. When I met Erick, he DID have a problem with drugs -- crack in particular. He was on probation, without his G.E.D., and didn't really have much of a future ahead of him at all. But I took a chance on him. I BELIEVED in him. And by the grace of God, Erick has completely turned himself around. He's sober, off probation, he has his G.E.D., and he's got a VERY bright future ahead of him. If being on Wallshaker (or having a friendship with me) has allowed Erick to change his life for the better, let this be a testament! Again, I'm PROUD of him. And I'm thankful to God that I have the opportunity to BETTER someone's life and make their dreams come true.
Todd wrote a response to the blog I deleted, and he asked me "Is it lonely where you are?" My honest answer is NO, it is NOT lonely where I am. I've made some real connections in my life. I connect with people through my music. I connect through my words. I connect through my personality. And when someone tells me that my blog, or my song, or my attitude inspires them and helps change their life, I KNOW I'm doing something right.
He also made it a point to note the bad qualities about my personality. He noted how jealous I was when I became insecure -- something I have never denied. And yes, I've done some crazy "ghettofied" things because I sought attention from Todd. I've since apologized for those actions, and from what I thought, the matter was over. Apparantly not, since he brought it back up in recent conversaton -- something he promised me he would never do. He was so afraid of me doing these things again, he purposely hid his relationship (with his gf) from me. Well, that's not my fault that he wasn't confident enough in my ability to handle the situation like an adult.
I've learned LONG AGO that when you're doing GOOD, that's when the devil gets busy. Right now, the devil is CRAZY BUSY! So again, I thank God for allowing me to see through it. Instead of trying to reason with the devil, I just turned and walked away. Instead of trying to argue a moot point with Todd, I just simply deleted the blog entry. Instead of trying to figure out who's better or worse, I'll simply let me works speak for me.
I've told you the good that Wallshaker has done so far -- Erick is a shining example. My merge with Cratesavers, as well as the deal I just landed with the Chicago licensing house -- I'd say that the blessings are in abundance right now. And trust me when I say, I know this is bigger than me. God has HIS hands in my life right now.
I was warned.. in so many words, "be careful who you meet on your way up, because you'll see them on your way back down..." You're absolutely right. And I cannot wait. I'm well aware that what goes up MUST come down sometime. And believe me, I DO have my "down" moments. The people who I'm meeting on the way "up," I adore and appreciate. When I met Todd, maybe my eyes weren't as open as I thought they were. But when our friendship ended, I wasn't like "fuck Todd." I was like "Lord, what can I do to become a better person?" And if it's too late to mend things with Todd, then at least I'll be better for the NEXT friend.
I'm not worried about the haters... When you hate on me, I KNOW it's because I'm doing something right. And when you try to destroy what God is building, you will fail EVERY TIME. ...which brings me back to this blog. I didn't have to delete a damn thing I wrote. It was in no way slanderous, one-sided or untrue. But obviously, the truth was enough to rile him up so badly, he'd call my house and make threats against me? I better watch MY back? I'll do you one better... I'll let GOD continue to watch my back. The fact that Todd took time to even respond to my blog, explain "his side" of things, or whatever it was he thought he was doing -- it shows me that HE'S in an angry place. And speaking of malicious, that was pretty low what he tried to do to Erick -- exposing his past to the world like that. But like I told Erick today, don't be ashamed! BE PROUD!! Yes, you smoked crack. YES, you were a danger to yourself and others around you (even me) at one point and time... But look at you NOW. You SURVIVED it! You BETTER be proud of the fact that you ROSE ABOVE that bullshit. And NO, it's nobody else's business. But if word ever got out there, then hey... OWN IT. WEAR IT like a badge of honor. Because you are in a MUCH better place now. You can hold your head up high, and earn your respect. Thank GOD. Your mother and father are proud of you now... The changes you've made in your life are evident. And as you continue to grow, and your life continues to flourish, you'll earn even MORE respect. YOU are the perfect example of what can happen when you let God put HIS hand in your life. YOU are living proof, Erick. Be proud of that.
On that note, I'll end this blog. I was angry when I sat down to write this, but now I have a big smile on my face. I love my label, and I'm thankful for the good it has done people so far. My job is far from over...
Love on u...