Thursday, June 12, 2008

Realness

...He promised me he'd call today. I hadn't heard from him in a long while. Yes, my friend... The one who lately never takes my calls. The one who dropped off the planet -- at least MY world, although I shouldn't assume anything's wrong. Instead of bugging out, I asked him directly. Hey... "is there something wrong?" Are we still friends? If we've grown apart, just tell me. Hell, I'm a grown man. I can handle this. I went on to remind him that people make time for what they want. Obviously, he has time for everything else except me. His woman, his job, the clubs, etc... And while I don't expect to be his ONLY friend, I still considered myself somewhere near the top of the list. After all, a partmer, a job, a child, a job -- NOTHING can come between true friendship. At least it's not supposed to... He dismissed my questions, as if to say I'm crazy for even feeling this way. "I'll call you TODAY." Hmmm... Today's come and gone. And like I half expected, he never called.

...It saddens me, but at the same time, I have to look at myself. Is this REALLY the type of friendship I even WANT? Am I so damn co-dependent that I can't be happy WITHOUT him in my life? I shake my head, and I laugh as I write this now. I can't say I haven't done my part. I can't say I haven't tried. I left the ball in HIS court. He dropped it. I'll just have to mourn my losses, grieve and move on... He didn't break me. ...I take that back. He broke me. ...but I managed to pick up my OWN pieces, and now I am here, reinfornced -- impervious to his bullshit and lies... I am stronger. YES I AM...

It's not just my so-called "friends" that got to me... Some of my peers in the industry have managed to get underneath my skin as well... ...Like the motherfucker who sings MYsong, woos me for a licensing deal, blows up my phone (and email) until he gets what HE wants, and then, POOF... Disappears. And all the while, I'm doing MY part. Sure, I'll let you take my song and record it. SURE, I'll agree to the terms of YOUR contract... SURE, I'll even listen to you as you "talk down" to me, proving to me that you have NO FUCKING IDEA how big my career really is (compared to yours)... SURE, I'll listen as you "explain" simple things to me, as if I don't understand (I'm not a fucking child, thank you). I listen because I know it makes YOU feel better about yourself. You love listening to yourself talk, obviously. I can deal with your personality, because I know that it takes all types of people to make a world. BUT... don't fake a friendship with me, just to get what you want. Don't practically ignore me once you've gotten your way; only calling me when you need me to do you yet another favor...

And oh yes... Aside from doing your HOMEWORK and NOTICING that I've been in this business a LOT LONGER than you may think -- I DID make more than that "one song..." -- could you AT LEAST spell my gottdamn NAME correctly??? It's NOT ARRON... not Aron... but AARON. AARON-CARL. Please don't let me have to remind you again...

I'm not asking for much... All I ask is this: If you're gonna come at me, BE REAL with your shit. Before you approach me, KNOW who the hell you're dealing with. Do your homework. You'll fare a lot better in my book, that's for sure...

If you're gonna be my friend, BE TRUE TO YOUR WORD. Be who the fuck you say you are... Don't paint a picture for me, that isn't the real YOU. Either you have my back, or you don't. Either you're TRUE, or you're NOT. Don't expect me to play the victim, while you run your game. I'm better than that. For real...

No I'm not perfect, I own that. I have my humanly faults like the rest of us. A lot of times, I forget to call... I might not remember a birthday... Some days I just don't even wanna be bothered with anyone... But flawed or not, I'm ME... And I'm being REAL. Love me or leave me... That's all I have to say about it...

1 comment:

augustus said...

Man I know how it is. But it's best just to leave things to the wind sometimes. You got your own world let him leave in his. Plus you have so many fans (like me) who'll always dig you. Anyways man I think you should be more selfish. Not in that sense (greedy bitches) but more like in self reflection time to get my shit tighter. Your new record dropped and the world is your oyster. Time to step on from petty bullshit. :)